John Q. Phats Entertainment

Alright, so this was the week of prep.  I’ve been letting everyone know that Censored will be showing at the Los Angeles United Film Festival and working on Nice Guys Finish Last.  I’ve made some calls and it’s looking like if I can pull my head out of my ass I can probably organize a shoot next Sunday.  The fact that Censored got selected for a film festival is a huge distraction for me.  I’ve been kind of fixated on it. 
There’s some other interesting stuff playing at the festival.  Me and my room mate are going to see Super High Me.  This comedian did an experiment where he smoked pot for 30 days and then didn’t smoke pot for 30 days.  I’m not a pot head or anything, but this sounds amazingly funny and interesting.
Apparently the big deal of the festival is The Shark is Still Working.  It’s a documentary about how the movie Jaws has helped to shape common elements of pop culture.  They sold out the first night so they arranged to have like 3 more nights of that same movie.  I’m not really that interested in it, but it does look kind of phenomenal.  
Fagbug is another movie that caught my eye.  It’s a documentary about a girl that was a victim of a hate crime.  The title makes me giggle.
Seriously, there are like 20 movies playing at this film festival.  I’m a little overloaded, I’m not sure what to do.  Do I go to all of them or just the ones that really interest me?  I am kind of curious about the number of documentaries being screened.  Is this like an independent film thing?  Is it just cheap and easy (like a whore) to do a documentary or something?  I’ve never really had an urge to shoot a documentary about anything.  Nice Guys Finish Last is a mockumentary.  That’s about as close as I’ve come though. 
P.S. Sorry about the somewhat shitty post.  I’m not really sure what to say today.

For those of you that want to attend, I thought I would provide a couple links for the May 6th screening of Censored at the Los Angeles United Film Festival.  Here’s the link to the tickets page:
Los Angeles United Film Festival Tickets Page
You should see Censored near the bottom under the May 6th day and under Unfinished Documentary On Masturbation.  That’s the film it’s playing with.
It says that it’s also a workshop.  Hopefully, they don’t show Censored and say “See that?  That’s what not to do.”

So, I got an E-Mail this morning.  Censored is going to screen at the Los Angeles United Film Festival.  Which is why you can’t view it.  I’ve read that most film festivals won’t show short films that people can view on the Internet.  You can buy tickets to the event by following the link above.  Censored is playing with a film called “Unfinished Documentary On Masturbation” on May 6th at 9:30 PM.  I can’t tell if that’s the title of a comedy or not, but I’m sure it’s awesome either way because I love masturbation.  It has an appearance by Larry Flynt in it.  The festival sent me an E-Mail saying that they encourage me to come so that I can do a Q & A after the screening.  Holy shit, I do Q & A’s now?  That’s awesome!
Now, let me get this out of my system:
OMG!!!!!1!  CENSORED IS GOING TO BE SHOWN AT A FILM FESTIVAL!!!!!!!11!!  FUCK YEAH!!@!!!1!
I feel much better now.  Thank you for putting up with that.  This weekend has probably been the most amazing weekend of my life.  I went to Universal Studios on Saturday and it reminded me of how badly I want to go back to school.  So, I’ll be looking in to that and keep you guys updated.  I’ll bring you guys more updates on the film festival and everything soon.

Keeping on this same topic, I thought I would now go over some movies that I didn’t like  and everyone else loved.  Before I get in to this, be aware that I may mention a movie that you liked.  It’s not that I think these movies are horrible.  These are just movies that I personally couldn’t get in to.

Napoleon Dynamite- I seriously, don’t get this brand of humor.  I mean that literally.  Whenever I watched this with other people they would be cracking up laughing and I would be thinking “was that a joke?  What’s funny?”  The first time I saw this movie I couldn’t tell if it was fiction or a documentary on autism or something.  Maybe I just don’t like Jon Heder’s acting style.  I haven’t really been too fond of anything he’s been in.  Everyone else seems to think this movie is brilliant.  So, it probably does something right.  I did crack a smile at the dance routine. 
Star Wars (All of them)- I get it, it’s a good story, but I could never get in to any of them.  Maybe my unconscious mind would miss sex with women too much if I were a hardcore fan so it’s stopping me from liking these.  It’s a strong possibility. 
Ghost Rider- Maybe not generally, but the group of people I saw the movie with all thought it was the most amazing thing they had ever seen.  I fell asleep during it.  At first I was fighting the urge to fall asleep, but then I realized that I didn’t really care what was happening in the movie so I just shut my eyes and woke up when the credits were rolling.  I think my main problem with it was that the fights with the 3 bad ass demons that they built up lasted about 20 seconds each.  It’s sort of like “look, we have these three awesome elemental demons that are going to seriously beat some ass.  They are freaking unkillable!  Th-  shit!  They’re dead!” 
The Bourne Supremacy- I can’t stand hand held.  I think this entire movie is done hand held.  Especially the action sequences.  Most of the time I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on.  I felt like the two Bourne movies that Paul Greengrass did were sort of like a learning process.  He first did The Bourne Supremacy which was an experiment.  By the time he did The Bourne Ultimatum he had it figured out and it worked.  I thought The Bourne Ultimatum was great.  It’s not that I hated The Bourne Supremacy at all.  I just didn’t really like most of the action sequences.  It’s still a good story though. 

Now, before you get all pissy and everything, remember that I’m not saying that these are horrible movies.  These are just movies that I personally wasn’t a fan of.  I don’t think you’re less of a person then me if you enjoyed any of these films.  I can see some value in all of them.  Don’t take things so personal. 
I’ve noticed that.  Sometimes when I don’t like a movie and someone else does they get pissed off.  I have no problem with anyone else enjoying a movie that I didn’t.

I just got done watching Heckler.  It’s a documentary starring Jamie Kennedy about hecklers and movie critics.  It talks a lot about how critics have started to make their reviews more of personal attacks on the people involved in making the movie rather then an actual review of the film itself.  It was a pretty good documentary.  I thought it brought up some good points.  A lot of the times, critics do write reviews of shear hatred for the film makers and actors just because they are trying to be funny.  It’s funny at the expense of others though.  While they are pretty harsh, I have to say, for the amount of money that actors get paid, you could say what ever the fuck you want about me.  You could say I should die or get cancer, or that I’m gay.  For that much money not only could you say I’m gay, but I would go in the back and prove it to you.  Anyway, I understand that it’s all relative.  Just because I think a movie sucks, doesn’t mean other people should share my same opinion.  Other people might enjoy it and I’m totally fine with that.  I don’t think you’re an idiot if you liked something that I didn’t.  In fact some people think I’m crazy because I actually really do enjoy bad movies.  If I enjoy them, they’ve served their purpose for me.  A movie is made to entertain and that’s what these have done for me.  So, here’s a list of bad movies that I have enjoyed:

Norbit- I can’t explain it but I laugh harder every time I watch this movie.  I’ve seen it on the movie channels like 30 times.  It’s Eddie Murphy for Christs sake, he’s funny as hell.  If laughing at a fat, stereotyped black woman is wrong, I don’t want to be right.  Me and a guy at work every once in awhile will say “You wanna see a bitch go down a slide?!  I’ll show you how a bitch go down a slide!”
House of the Dead- While Uwe Boll can be an asshole sometimes, I’ve recently come to realize that I have to respect the guy.  He’s probably the most hated director/film maker ever.  Type his name in to google and you’ll come up with endless pages all filled with hatred.  His movies have lost a total of 93 million dollars.  I think everything he’s made has been on the IMDB bottom 100 list at some point.  People have started a petition to try and get him to stop making movies.  But still, he plugs on and keeps coming out with stuff.  This man must have balls made of kryptonite that are coated with adamantium (O yes, I went there).  I have to respect his willingness and determination to go on.  The guy likes making movies, so that’s what he does.  Good for him.  House of the Dead is the first Uwe Boll movie that I saw.  Flipping through the channels one night I saw “House of the Dead” and thought to myself “They made a movie off of that game?  Jesus Christ, the game wasn’t even that good.”    Yes, the movie is based off of the popular arcade game.  The next hour and a half of my life was spent wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes and saying “what the fuck?” whenever I could catch my breath as I watched it.  The next month of my life I probably watched it 20 or so times, because I kept having to show it to friends.  Every time I watched it, it just kept getting funnier.  I want to buy it on BluRay, just to brag that I have it.
Over The Top- Sylvester Stallone is a truck driver that enters an arm wrestling tournament to win a truck.  I’m serious.
Death Bed, The Bed That Eats- I think the title says it all.  It’s about a bed that eats….  People mostly.  I first heard about this movie while listening to one of Patton Oswalt’s stand up acts.  When I heard the title, I thought to myself “There’s no way in hell that’s a real movie.”  It is and it will change your life.
Zombie Nation- I’m still trying to figure out why there is a giant, oversized, gong in the police station.  Do the cops bang on it when ever they book someone?  What the fuck?  This movie is written and directed by a guy named Ulli Lommel.  If you can make it through 3 of his movies straight without laughing or vomiting I’ll give you a dollar.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter- The thing that makes this movie so awesome is that it knows that it’s absolutely absurd.  It makes fun of itself and it works.  I was extremely entertained while watching this movie.  It’s exactly what it sounds like.  Jesus Christ comes back to fight vampires.  He has an assistant who’s a big fat Mexican wrestler (mask and all) named El Santos.  Again, I’m serious.
Subliminal Seduction- You remember Ian Ziering?  From 90210?  Good.  You know what a soft core porno is?
Death to Smoochy- I don’t care what anyone says, this movie is fucking genius.  A lot of people probably wouldn’t agree with this being labeled a “bad” movie, but I’ve heard a lot of people shit on it.  I think it’s a great flick.  I laugh my ass off when ever Robin Williams is on screen and I thought Edward Norton pulled it off.
Snakes on a Plane- This one is pretty obvious.  I really only mentioned it because the web site for this movie was amazing.  You could put in your friends names and numbers and a recording of Samuel L. Jackson would call them and tell them they need to see the movie.  I think it’s boarder line illegal, but whatever.  I spent like 3 hours on the site putting all of my friends numbers in to it.  Then I would giggle like a school girl at the thought of Samuel L. Jackson calling them. 
Blankman- When Damon Wayans screams like that I get a little turned on.
Senseless- I’m starting a Wayans brothers theme here.  Marlon Wayans is hysterical in this movie.  Plus Rip Torn is in this movie and he’s the epitome of awesome.
Freddy Got Fingered- Again, Rip Torn.  He can do no wrong.  He’s acted in over 170 movies and I’m sure they are all amazing solely because of him.  I still crack up laughing when Tom Greene cracks that chick in the wheel chair in the face with the stick.
Killer Clowns From Outer Space- Of course aliens look like clowns.  Why wouldn’t they?
Bad Taste- Peter Jackson did some pretty crazy movies before Lord of the Rings.  Bad Taste is one of them.  At one point a bunch of aliens throw up in to a bowl and make some guy eat it.  They really should have put a scene like that in Lord of the Rings.
Braindead- Another Peter Jackson movie.  The lead character at one point makes probably the greatest decision in movie making history.  He decides that he is going to kill zombies…..  with a lawn mower.  He starts the lawn mower, picks it up, runs around, and grinds zombies in to hamburger meat.  I actually yelled out “now that’s awesome!” when I saw that scene.  How in the hell did nobody think of this concept before this movie?  God bless you Peter Jackson.
The Cable Guy- Actually refferenced in The Simpsons as “That awful script that almost ruined Jim Carey’s career.”  I thought it was funny though.

I could go on and on, but I’m going to stop here.  Regardless of the label of “bad movie” I’ve enjoyed all of these.  How good a movie is, is all relative to the viewer.  Personal attacks on the film maker and actors involved is vicious for the sake of trying to be funny.  It’s not necessary.  This is something that a lot of people have spent a lot of time and money on, I can understand them taking these attacks personally.  On the same note though, film makers and actors can’t take reviews so personally.  I make ultra low budget short films, I’ve been told that they suck before.  I’ll probably make several more that people will tell me suck in the future.  But who cares?  I made them and regardless of how many people hate them, I’m proud of them and if you don’t like it, don’t watch it.  The other side of that?  If I couldn’t take that criticism, I wouldn’t make them and post them for the public to see.

I wrote two new scripts today.  I should probably write more often.  I’m not sure if these two will ever get made, but it was fun to write them all the same.  Since Easter is coming up, this is going to be a busy weekend for everyone, so we probably won’t have any new content up until sometime late next week.  I think somehow, my 3 daily visitors will survive.  Gabe is building an LED light for our next big project.  I don’t know how he’s doing it.  Part of me doesn’t want to ask.  I hear some of the strangest conversations at work.  Our boss, his name is Jed, is a walking Wikipedia.  Today, Gabe asks him
“Hey Jed, you know where I can buy LED’s?” 
And Jed had a fucking answer for him.  Who knows shit like that?!  It’s inhuman.  I wonder what Jed would say if I asked him
“Hey Jed, did Uwe Boll masturbate last night?”
Probably something like
“Twice, once to a victoria secret ad and once to a picture of his Mom.  He was crying while doing it.” 
I’d believe him too.  Jed is more powerful then that creepy bitch that makes the door creaking noise from The Ring.  But yeah, I want to get started on Nice Guys Finish Last and I would like to shoot one of the scripts I wrote tonight.  The first of the two scripts could be done pretty easialy.  All I would need to shoot it is all my equipement, a fan, and a woman who’s morally bankrupt.  I could tell you what it’s about, but the story is probably funnier this way.
Gabe wants to do some green screen tests.  Apparently it’s easy as hell to do.

Gabe was able to work on Stuck a little bit and make it better.  I’m starting to get the ball rolling on Nice Guys Finish Last.  I’m going to try and get together with Chris and Caine sometime this week to film something for you guys.  But no more of this split screen shit.  Seriously, I’m tired of editing like that, I’m also tired of Chris moving the God damned beer right before the last freaking shot.
Gabe says that my audio sounds like a porno.  I’m glad he sees the direction I’m going with this.  When it comes to audio, I have absolutely no clue what the hell I’m doing.  I put the thingy on the end of the thingy, plug it in to the thingy, and then hang the thingy over the scene and pray that it works.  The main problem is, is that I’m picking up more then the audio from the actor or actors on screen.  I’m getting a lot of background noise.  I think I record with the levels to high. 
“Yeah, fuck it, red bars means it’s working……Right?”
Anyway, it needs some work.  I’ll probably film some tests this weekend.

I posted a new short.  I named it Stuck.  It didn’t have a title until like 30 seconds ago when I posted it.  Actually it’s just an experiment with some split screen stuff that we are working on.  It’s a fun concept.  As long as you keep the camera steady and nothing moves in the background, you can make two shots look like one.  I’m about to get a bit techy here, I apologize in advace.  All you have to do is lay one shot over the other and mask out the half of the shot on top that you don’t want.  And you can set keyframes to all of the points of the mask.  That’s all this is.  I actually think we screwed up a little bit on this one.  That light in the mirror flickers which leads to irregularities when you switch from one shot to the other.  You live and you learn I suppose.  I’m looking forward to doing something normal.  I’m tired of this not moving the camera bullshit.

So, there are several web sites that I feel I should mention that are valuable resources to any film maker.  We use all of these quite a bit and I honestly don’t know what I would do without them. 
http://www.bhphotovideo.com
If you do a google search you’ll find cameras and equipment way cheaper then here, but those are all scams.  Before you commit to buying something from a web site that seems too good to be true, go back to google and type in “(Name of web site) Scam”.  You would be surprised at how common these types of scams are.  B & H is well known and I have yet to have a problem with them.  Plus, often times their prices are cheaper then some of the other big names out there.
http://www.lacasting.com/la_home.asp
Easy to use, free registration, plus tons of actors to choose from.  A great place to get actors in the LA area.
http://www.freesound.org  
The Free Sound Project is a community that all just records or creates audio and uploads it to the site for other people to rate and download.  Create a free account and you can search the data base and download all of the royalty free audio that you want.  Only problem is, is that the community is almost too big.  Often times you have to wade through a lot of crap to find what you’re looking for.  Most of the time it’s worth it though.  If you’re looking for a specific sound effect that won’t cost, The Freesound Project is probably your best bet.
http://www.videocopilot.net/tutorials/
For special effects we use Adobe After Effects.  It’s absolutely amazing how many quality tutorials there are on Video Copilot.  All are videos that you view, so just do what you see.  The site is so popular that a lot of the effects are a little overdone.  If you want to learn Adobe After Effects though, Video Copilot is the place.  Literally, he goes over it from beginning to end.  How you should film it and how to apply the effects once you have the footage.  Video Copilot is seriously the best tutorial site I’ve ever visited.  Every tutorial is easy to follow and quality effects.