John Q. Phats Entertainment

So, today is the day that Gabe gets my notes for the first Nice Guys Finish Last cut.  He’s been camping for a week straight.  I hope his arms didn’t get ripped off by a bear or something.  That would suck.  How would he edit?  Now that he’s back though we can really get to work on this thing.
I just realized this weekend that I’ve been referring to Nice Guys Finish Last incorrectly.  The title isn’t Nice Guys Finish Last, it’s Do Nice Guys Finish Last?.  That totally screws up my acronym for it too.  It’s not NGFL, it’s DNGFL.  I like the first acronym better.  Meh, it doesn’t matter.
Right now in LA, the Crazy 4 Cult art show is going on.  It’s all art that people have done based off of cult classic films.  Check out the web site here.  There’s all kinds of stuff there.  If you check the web site, you can see what’s for sale.  Prices range quite a bit.  There’s stuff for the casual enthusiast for like $25 and stuff for the hard core art collector for like $4000.  I haven’t checked it out yet, but I hope to make it out there sometime this week.  I’m a big fan of cult classic movies.  Fight Club is my absolute favorite movie of all time.  What actually defines a movie as “Cult Classic” though?  I suppose it’s a movie with a small, but loyal following.  I guess it’s like comparing Transformers to The Big Lebowski.  Transformers made a shit load of money, but nobody really talked about it after it was released.  The Big Lebowski has Lebowski Fest, which happened in Long Beach this year, which I attended.  The Big Lebowski was released in 1998.  Ten years later, they are still holding a festival to celebrate it’s release.  In ten years will anybody really even be talking about Transformers?  No, probably not.  Some cult classics actually bomb in theaters.  Fight Club, Super Troopers, and Donnie Darko are all good examples.  All bombed in theaters, but look at them now.  I think I’ve had 4 hour long conversations about Donnie Darko before.  That movie is amazing, for that very reason.  It only made $517,375 in theaters.  It probably killed in DVD sales.  I bet it did so shitty in theaters because, really, how do you explain that movie to someone? 
“OK, there’s this kid and this guy dressed as a rabbit and he can possibly see in to the future.  He’s taking medication and because he sleep walks the plane engine that falls through the roof of his house doesn’t kill him and then he meets the guy in the rabbit suit….  No, wait, the rabbit tells him to sleep walk, so he knew the rabbit before that…..Or something.”
After trying to explain that movie like 3 times I finally gave up and now if someone asks me what it’s about, I just say
“Just see it, it’s an awesome movie.”
Maybe what saved it is it’s movie channel debut.  That’s where I first saw it.  It has some really interesting shots.  The first time I flipped to it, it was at the point where Donnie is looking in the bathroom mirror and stabbing it with a knife.  After watching that scene for like 20 seconds, I immediately went to my On Demand thing and started from the beginning.  That one scene just brought up way too many questions.  I couldn’t resist.
I ordered Dexter Season 3 from Amazon on Sunday.  It’s on sale right now for $21.49.  It’s not out yet, but I preordered it.  I love that show so much.  I will see Gamer just because Michael C. Hall is in.  When he’s playing Dexter he plays it with a touch of sarcasm when he’s hiding who he really is.  It’s also a touch of “I’m acting.”  Not acting, like acting on a show, like putting on an act just to please everyone else.  It’s very subtle, but I think it makes the show.  If you came in mid show and started watching it at a point where Dexter is in front of normal people you would probably think “something is up with that guy.”  It makes it, because something is up with him.  He’s a serial killer.
Directing actors is always my favorite part of film making.  It’s never the same experience.  You’re always trying to convey something differently.  I bet Martin Brest(director) had a giant grin on his face when he was directing Al Pacino in the scene from Scent of a Woman where he’s in the auditorium.  That is without a doubt on my list of top 3 monologues ever performed.  One of the other ones on my top 3 is the scene in The Devils Advocate where Al Pacino is giving that speech about mankind and God.  At one point during that scene I actually thought to myself “Wow….  I never knew that Al Pacino was the Devil.  That’s awesome.”

Last night I went through the first cut of Nice Guys Finish Last and made notes on it for Gabe.  I was up pretty late last night.  I slept right through my alarm this morning, which is pretty amazing.  Considering my alarm plays ultra loud metal off of a CD.  I have to say, I was pretty harsh on the edit.  There’s some stuff that I liked and some that I didn’t.  It is what it is.  If Gabe disagrees with me on something, we’ll talk about it and figure it out. 
It’s been awhile since I’ve uploaded something new hasn’t it?  I would really like to try and put something together soon.  I have a quote book of random quotes from friends of mine.  Sometimes I’ll flip through it for inspiration.  For some reason, it always makes me think of quick shorts.  Maybe I’ll do that tonight.  Actually, the quote book inspired both The Train Wreck and Bad Girlfriend.  Caine’s whole speech in Bad Girlfriend about Chris’s girlfriend was something that a friend of mine actually said to someone.  I’m not joking.  It’s always a lot of fun doing those.  It’s just a small crew that usually films something in one night.  Often times, what we filmed gets edited that same night.  We usually start around 8PM and finish editing around 5AM.  It’s always a good time.  I should do something like that while Gabe is making the edits on Nice Guys Finish Last.  Why not, right?

Last night I went to see Brüno.  I thought Borat was hilarious, so I expected the same from Brüno.  Brüno is one of those movies that sometimes makes you laugh just because you can’t believe what you’re looking at or because you feel so awkward.  I wonder if Sacha Baron Cohen got punched in the face at some point during the filming of this? He really pushes the envelope with this one.  Of course that was expected.  Going in to this movie, I knew I was going to see at least one thing that I couldn’t believe he did.  It’s sort of cheap trick shock humor, but whatever, it made me laugh, so it works.  I’m kind of curious what Sacha Baron Cohen would come up with in terms of writing a script.  He can be very funny in the moment, but most of his comedy works because it’s done with real people who have no idea what’s going on.  I think he’s very funny, so I wonder what kind of a script he would come up with.  As far as Brüno goes, I thought it was funny.  Maybe I’m crazy, but I kind of picked up on a political undertone in the movie.  A person who saw it with me said the same exact thing.  Not all the shock comes from Sacha Baron Cohen.  We all probably knew that there were people out there who were anti gay to a point of absurdness, but actually seeing something like that play out right before your eyes is almost just as shocking as the Brüno character himself. 
This week, I’m going through the always painful process of selling my personal belongings to fund my next short film.  One day, I’m probably going to run out of stuff to sell, but for now, this works.  I’m also going to be watching Gabe’s first cut of Nice Guys Finish Last about a million times.  I’ll try to be ultra critical and in the process will start to doubt the original script, but don’t worry, in the end, it will all work out.
On a side note, did anyone see UFC 100?  That falling punch from Dan Handerson on Michael Bisping had to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

I need money to make my new short film.  Plain and simple.  In the past I’ve resorted to selling my personal belongings.  I sold a couple old cameras, video games, furniture, computers, really whatever I could get my hands on.  I think I can make my new project for roughly $2000.  Things I haven’t tried yet are selling sperm and blood.  I should try to sell some blood, I have O-, which everyone can take.  Obviously, God wanted me to sell blood, so I can make this short film.  I’ll have to look in to that.  I’m not sure how I feel about donating sperm.  I would feel really sorry for the woman who gets that sperm.  It would almost be like playing a really cruel joke on someone.  I think one of me is enough.
I’ve been reading this new book called How Not to Make a Short Film by Roberta Marie Munroe.  She’s done just about everything on a short film and used to be a programmer for Sundance.  Needless to say, her advice is valuable.  She’s already listed a couple things that I’m guilty of.  For one, when submitting your short film to festivals, don’t put your companies logo in the front of it.  Nobody has heard of your company and furthermore, nobody cares what the name of it is.  I’m totally guilty of this.  There are a couple things in the book that I don’t agree with though.  In one section there are different budget brackets.  The first bracket is $11,000.  That’s the first bracket.  They slowly ascend to $75,000.  Basically what that tells me is that according to this book, you can’t make a decent short film for under $11,000.  It lists all of the equipment and crew you need.  I totally and completely disagree with that.  $11,000 for a short film is bloated to me to say the least.  Robert Rodriguez shot El Mariachi for $7000 and most of that budget was spent on the camera.  And that was an 80+ minute long movie.  The example the book uses is a 15 page short film.  And it’s using the time frame of a 2 day weekend shoot.  Maybe I missed something in the interpretation, but that’s what I’m getting out of it.  Later on in the chapter there is an interview with a film maker who made a successfull short film for roughly $4500.  One of the things listed in the $11,000 budget is a continental breakfast for a 35 person crew.  Go to the supermarket, buy some fruit, get some yogurt, granola,  some bread to toast, little orange juice, some bagels, put someone who will work for free on food prep duty, and there’s your continental breakfast.  Better yet, go to Togo’s and order a sand which platter, they’re like $40, I do it all the time.  Also, 35 person crew?!  Are you serious?  That seems bloated to say the least.  I shot Censored with an 8 person crew and I had no clue what I was doing and that seemed bloated and that’s been accepted to festivals.  I shot Nice Guys Finish Last most of the time with a 4 person crew.  I shot Say Something with a 5 person crew and it cost me like $100, if even that.  That was an 8 minute long short film that all of my teachers(who were industry professionals) thought was great.  Maybe I’m just not at the level she’s at yet, but Jesus Christ.  If Robert Rodriguez can make a good movie for $7000, I can make a 15 minute short film for way under $11,000.  I think, anyone can shoot anything they want for free, they just have to know the right people and make the right moves.  Don’t get me wrong, Roberta Marie Munroe is a smart lady and she wrote a great book.  I would recommend How Not To Make a Short Film to anyone.  It’s got some good stuff in it, I just can’t agree with that one point.
On to my next order of business.  Is anyone in the market for blood and/or sperm?  I’m selling.

So, I got an e-mail from the Action on Film Film Festival going over all of the nominations for the various awards they are giving out.  I swear to God, there has got to be like 50 awards.  Each award has 5 nominations.  I have no clue how many short films they are showing, but I guess it’s a lot.  So, I’m looking for Censored on one of these lists and don’t see it.  Not one.  I did feel better though when I realized that it’s mainly like 10 or 15 short films listed 5 times for each award.  I suppose that makes sense when you really think about it.  If a short film is nominated for best picture, I imagine it did a lot of things right, so I suppose it’s not weird to see it listed as a best actress nomination and best cinematography.  It makes sense.  If there was a category for “Best Short Film with a Censorship Bar” I would have nailed that shit.  That must have been a nightmare figuring all of that out.  I’ve come to the realization that Censored isn’t an award winner.  I came to this realization when it played at the LA United Film Festival.  It had a couple parts that got a good laugh out of the audience but I know I can do better then that.  There’s a lot that could have been improved.  The lighting could have been better and I was still trying to figure out the boom mic when I shot it.  So the sound quality isn’t really all that great.  At one point, I thought Censored was brilliant.  I still think the concept is strong, but I probably could have executed it a little better.  O well, on to bigger and better things.  Maybe Nice Guys Finish Last will be an award winning film.  If not Nice Guys Finish Last, then maybe the next one.

So, I’m putting together the credits for Nice Guys Finish Last.  Holy Jesus, there were a lot of people involved in this thing.  The credits are like 45 seconds long.  Normally, my credits are like 10 seconds long, if even that.  I hate to say it, but I may need to cut them out for the festival cut.  I’m not sure if that’s going to be way too long to add to an already pushing it short film.  Getting a 15+ minute long short film in to a festival isn’t going to be easy.  Maybe I’ll send the judges a version without the credits and when I send them my screener, I’ll send them a version with credits.  That’s pretty shady though.  Maybe I just won’t count the credits as part of the film.  Of course, I could be wrong on the time estimation and the short could turn out to be 9 minutes long.  In which case, I wouldn’t mind adding another minute of credits to it.  Or I could be wrong in the opposite direction and it could turn out to be 19 minutes long and I would be screwed.  That actually happened to a guy in my film school.  Our finals were supposed to be around 10 minutes, his was like 22 without credits.  He wrote us an E-Mail 1 night before it was due at like 2AM that said “I’ve cut my short down as much as possible and it’s still 22 minutes long…….Fuck me.”  Film school was awesome, I made some pretty good friends there and produced Say Something while attending.  Which I consider to be a very polished piece.  I think Nice Guys Finish Last may surpass Say Something in the polish and overall wow sector.  Nice Guys Finish Last has some good production value.  We have a lot of different locations and one of them is a restaurant with extras and all.  I’m kind of an idiot to have sat on NGFL for this long.  I could have been submitting it to festivals months ago.  Apparently, that’s what I do now, I shoot short films and just forget about them.  That’s how I role.
You know, I seem to jump back and forth when it comes to genre.  After I shot Red Hood (horror), I shot Say Something (Romantic Comedy).  Then I went back to Red Hood again and now I’m doing Nice Guys Finish Last, which is a comedy, but I would not in a million years call it romantic.  It’s actually kind of the opposite of romantic.  You know what I’m missing?  Some raunchy comedy.  I haven’t done raunchy in awhile, it might be a bit of an overload.  The last time I did raunchy, was The Train Wreck, which was quite awhile ago.  That might be dangerous actually, it’s probably pretty backed up.  It would all come gushing out in a display of hysterical horribleness.

It seems like the hardest thing for me when writing a script is starting.  I don’t know why, it just looks like a very intimidating task.  I think part of it is a fear that I’ll sit there and stare at a blank page for 3 hours with nothing to write.  That hasn’t happened to me once and really it probably wouldn’t be that bad if it did.  So, I should probably just sit down and do it.
I need to do the credits for Nice Guys Finish Last.  That’s something I can work on if the script isn’t working out so well.  I always thought doing credits was kind of fun.  There’s one section that I always have a blast with.  The Special Thanks section.  I can put anything I want in that section.  Once, I listed my cat.  Just because I could.  I always put Gabe’s band Brokedown in there.  Most of the time Gabe plays a pretty big role in the short film so I guess that’s justified.  I’ll put my sister in there sometimes, just for the hell of it.  I have some fun with it.  I usually just list them in some generic font.  I think for Nice Guys Finish Last, I want to do something cool looking though.  I’ll have to see what I can come up with.  Looking at pictures and videos online is actually kind of inspiring.  Ending credits aren’t something you usually think about, but people have done some really cool stuff with it.  I’m finding a lot of stuff on text effects and formatting.  I’m kind of having graphic design school flashbacks.  I had this teacher named Mr. Hanson who was my typography teacher.  That dude was crazy, but his typography was pretty damn amazing.  He used to show us stuff that taggers did like on bridges and walls and stuff.  It was pretty cool.  For NGFL, I think it’s all about finding a logo and a font that matches the context.  We’ll see what I can come up with.

So, I saw the new Transformers movie last night.  It was ok.  Nothing life changing, but I was entertained.  I went in wanting to see big robots beating the crap out of each other, Megan Fox in sexy posses, and some good special effects and that’s what I got.  I’m happy.  The special effects in that movie were insanely awesome, as expected.  Good special effects, robots beating each other up, Megan Fox, it worked.  I hate when people see a movie like Transformers and review it badly because there were parts that weren’t realistic.  Look, you’re going to see a movie about robots kicking the crap out of each other, maybe, just maybe, ALL the rules of reality, don’t apply here.  I’m just saying, pointing out tiny little flaws in realism is kind of pointless when you’re watching a movie about robots that fight each other.  To me, it’s the same as pointing out realism flaws in a Road Runner and Coyote cartoon.  However, I’ll give you a realism flaw.  Any guy, before going off to college, leaving Megan Fox behind would have banged her like a drum if she were their girlfriend.  LaBeouf just makes out with her in front of his parents.  Kind of kinky, but not at all what would have happened.  Anyway, I liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  Here’s a little useless movie knowledge.  Sometime in the middle of shooting, Shia LaBeouf was in a car accident and injured his hand.  They wrote the bandage that he had to have wrapped around his hand in to the script so that it was explained for the rest of the movie. 
Before the movie they showed this commercial thing with Michael Bay in it where he says “I consider myself an old time film maker.”  I’m sorry, what?  There were scenes in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen where one frame of special effects took 5 days to render.  Sorry Michael Bay, But I’m going to have to disagree with you on that one.  Everyone knows that a Michael Bay film is going to be packed with special effects, that’s partially why I go to see it.  I know I’m going to get a solid action film with lots of explosions.  Directing actors wise, I think Michael Bay is actually pretty good.  He gets good performances. In fact would call him a good director.  I haven’t seen a movie of his yet that hasn’t been somewhat entertaining. 
All of that aside, the new project is starting to move.  I can’t really discuss what it is exactly, but I’m going to sit down tonight and jot down some ideas.  I decided to let someone produce this one.  I’ve never really worked with a producer before, so we’ll see how this goes.  I’m kind of a control freak, but I think I can make it work.  For this project, everyone needs to focus on what they do.  The actors need to act, the director (me) needs to direct, the producer needs to produce, and the cinematographer needs to…..cinematog?  Everyone needs to focus on what their job is.  I can’t produce this myself and I can’t have actors running around worrying about camera angles and what not.  This is a big project and everyone will need to be razor sharp.

I’ve been doing a lot of research for my next project.  It’s a big opportunity, so I want to make sure I get it right.  One thing I know for sure, is that I want to shoot it in HD.  That creates a whole mess of problems.  For starters, I don’t have an HD camera.  Kind of hard to shoot in HD, when I don’t have an HD camera.  Second of all, I’ve never shot in HD before.  I’m not sure how the camera is going to differ and what problems I’m going to run in to.  Third of all, I don’t have the money to rent or buy an HD camera.  Again, does anyone have like $5000 I can “borrow”?  By borrow, I mean have.  I could try what some guy did like a year ago.  He took a bunch of pictures of a cute rabbit and put them up on a web site.  Under the pictures basically said that he needed a certain amount of money and that if people didn’t donate it to him, he was going to kill and eat the rabbit.  I remember one of the lines was “I swear to God, I will eat this cute little rabbit.”  Under all of it was a pay pal link where people could donate.  Shit, I almost donated, because I thought it was hysterical.  He even had a picture of the rabbit in a frying pan.  I think he made like $60,000 or something like that.  All I need is $5000, I mean how hard could it be?  I suppose it’s time to start thinking about what I can sell.  Sigh, goodbye possessions.  I’ll miss you.
Gabe is making good progress on Nice Guys Finish Last.  I would say he’s about 30% through.  Which is pretty good considering that he got the project late last week.  It sounds like he’s putting a lot of thought in to it.  We’ll probably change some stuff around.  That’s just how it goes.  This film making thing is kind of bullshit if you really think about it.  This is my analogy of your chance of making it in this industry:
Lets say there were 1000 cups.  999 of them have ”NO” printed on the bottom of them and 1 has ”YES” printed on it.  Lets say you had to find the one with “YES” on it.  And lets say you happened to pick the one with “YES” on it.  Inside that cup there would be a pebble with a random number from 1-10,000 on it.  So, you take that pebble and put it in a random drawing with another 9,999 pebbles all with different numbers.  In that drawing, they happen to pick your number.  Great, now you get to throw a basketball at 4 nets from full court blind folded.  If you make it in to the correct basket, you get to search the entire world looking for a golden Cheerio.  And it could be anywhere.  Even buried 3000 feet below the Atlantic ocean somewhere.  Somehow though, you find out they cheated and put it on the moon.  So, you go to the moon and get it, when you get back you take that Cheerio and find out that you have to play ring toss with it on a toothpick from 400 yards away.  Through some act of God, it lands on the toothpick and now you get a 2% chance at making it in the industry because come to find out, about a million other people all did the same exact things you did, faster, better, and cheaper. 
Really that’s probably an exaggeration, but you get the idea.  In truth, I love making short films.  Weather I’m shooting them on my cell phone or on a $10 billion dollar camera.  When I say “I want to be a film maker” it doesn’t really make sense, because I already am a film maker.  I’m not making money doing it, but I would do it for the rest of my life, even if I was making minimum wage doing it.  Hell, I do it now, and most of the time, it costs me money.  But I don’t do it for the end result, I just do it because I love it.
I’ll keep making them, as long as someone is watching them.

I entered Censored in to a film festival that makes it IMDB appropriate.  I didn’t realize that I didn’t have to actually be accepted in to the festival, I just had to submit my short film.  So, I get the E-Mail that tells me I can fill out the form to create an IMDB page.  I go to IMDB and start the process of filling this thing out.  It was the most unnecessarily complicated thing in the history of unnecessarily complicated things I’ve ever seen.  First off, every section (even the title) has it’s own guidelines page that’s roughly a page long.  Really IMDB?  Seriously?  We need an entire page explaining how to type in the title?  Are they explaining this from the point of your computer being off or what?
“OK, there should be a big power button on your computer, push it and wait for your computer to load.  Once it’s loaded, open up Internet Explorer, or Firefox, perhaps Opera, any Internet browser will do.  If you’re accessing this site on a cell phone, there may not be a big power button on the front of it.  That’s ok, just load up the browser.”
That’s what I pictured when I first saw it.  I found it hilarious, because if you were reading that, clearly your computer was already on and the browser was already open.  You see what I did there?  Jesus, I’m such a clever bastard.  Anyway, it’s actually rules and regulations behind each section.  It’s somewhat mind numbing.  By the end of it your like
“What the fuck?!  Am I disarming a nuke?!  I just wanted to type in the title!”
It makes you question everything about what you are doing.
“Did I type in the title correctly?  Does it meet all the guidelines?  It looks good.  Can I move on?  Is everything ok?  Where am I?!  What the fuck is going on?!  Who am I?!”
It makes you kind of afraid of the next section.  And when you get something wrong it like highlights it in red.  Which is just as effective as having a person stand there yelling
“You got that wrong you stupid asshole!”
So, after you fill everything out, it gets sent to a representative at IMDB to check over.  So I’ll probably get an E-Mail in 2 weeks regarding all the crap I filled out wrong. 
Currently, I’m waiting for responses from The Action On Film International Film Festival and Woodstock Film Festival.