John Q. Phats Entertainment

I know I should be talking about the Academy Awards or something recent. But the fact is, the awards were really predictable. All the people everyone thought were going to win, won. There’s not really much to talk about. Instead, I would like to talk about Lost. I know, I’m about 3 years late but I just got around to watching the final season on DVD. I’m a big fan of Lost. The show changed a lot of people’s opinions about it throughout it’s life time. It seemed like everyone watched season 1 and was on board. I would say people started to get pissed around season 4. They were impatient for answers. The only problem with that is that when Lost answered a question it created on average 4 more questions. Here’s an example. In the first season there was some sort of big monster crashing through the island and killing people.
The question:
“What’s the big monster crashing through the jungle?”
The answer:
“It’s a big pillar of smOKe that clicks and creeks and has lightning shooting off of it!”
Which brought about the questions:
“Why is there a big pillar of smoke on the island?”
“What is it?”
“Why is it killing people?”
“How did it get there?”
This went on for six season. With each answer bringing 4+ questions with it. I think the fourth season was a lot of people’s breaking point. I’m not the type of person that needs answers. I don’t know, maybe I’m an ignorant simpleton. I just enjoy the ride while it’s happening. I made it through the sixth season and I’m content with the ending. Of course it only brought more questions and I’m OK with that. Were they dead the entire time? I don’t know and who really gives a shit? They’re all imaginary anyway. Whatever, it was a good story.

I’m still getting this list writing thing out of my system. So stay with me here. I would say overall, 2010 was a good year for movies. We’ve seen everything from horrible to amazing. It was a good year for an industry that’s always pushing artistic and technological boundries. Shit, looking at the list of movies made in 2010, I haven’t really seen much. So, here is my biased and ignorant top 5 choices for 2010.
5. The Book of Eli
Say what you will about it, but this movie had style. And it was it’s own style. Something becoming rarer as the Hollywood formula for making a successful movie becomes more and more prevelant in cinema. It’s good to see a movie that’s sort of out there and does it’s own thing. I loved the art direction and cinematography in this film. Plus, Denzel Washington proved yet again that he’s a bad mother.
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Part 1
I think this is pretty obvious. Not only does the Harry Potter series do quite a few things very well, but it also manages to do absolutely nothing wrong. Every aspect of this movie is at least good.
3. 127 Hours
This is a rough movie to watch. Especially because you know what the end result is going to be. Very few movies have made me think of ways that I could stop seeing the imagry in front of me. Of course, I watched every gruesome bit, but the thought of “I could walk out of the theater right now” did cross my mind. This isn’t what makes 127 Hours such a great film though. It tells an interesting story all in one central location. This was a test of acting prowes and James Franco knocked it out of the park.
2. Kick-Ass
Possibly the most purely entertaining movie I’ve seen in the past 5 years. I laughed a lot in this movie and yet I was still interested in the story. It was funny at the right times and serious at the right times.
1. Inception
A lot of people complained that they had a hard time following Inception. I didn’t really have an issue with it. Which I was surprised about, because the storyline was pretty intense. Taking a concept that complex and making it understandable to people like me is just good film making. This movie was brilliant. Plain and simple. Christopher Nolan has an uncanny ability to make a movie appealing to both critics and the general public. A great skill to have if you want to win awards and make a shit load of money.
There you have it. I haven’t seen a lot of movies that probably should have been on this list. But, out of all the movies I did see, these were my top five.

Lately, I’ve been attempting to write a trailer. Which I thought would be easy, but is actually turning out to be really difficult. I can’t help but shake the feeling that I’m working in the wrong direction. I’m so stumped that I’m seriously considering writing a full script and then trying to just pick parts to make up a trailer. I suppose it’s not so bad. I’ve actually written two trailer scripts. They only problem is, they kind of suck.  How do they even make trailers? Are there scripts for them or do they just give a cut of the movie to an editor and tell him to make a trailer? Well, I’m going to find out.
So apparently there is an actual title for it. They are called Trailer Editors. Sounds like something a redneck would do. They spend hours at an editing bay and have access to orchestras and all kinds of other shit that made this project seem that much more difficult. O well, that never stopped me before. Of course some of our methods are questionable. But we get the job done. Here’s 10 awesome examples, because I’m in a list mood.
Example 1:
“Bad news, we forgot the boom pole.”
“…….Hand me that broom stick and get me some duct tape.”
Example 2:
“Crap! I forgot the food. Call Austin, tell him I’ll list him as a producer for a tray of sandwiches.”
Example 3:
“Ha! Who needs a dolly? We found this rolling chair in the alley.”
Example 4:
“OK, for this shot, I’m going to throw you the camera. DO NOT DROP IT.”
Example 5:
“OK, the camera rig that we built is bolted above your bed.”
“Is that safe?”
“I wouldn’t sleep under it.”
Example 6:
“Good catch. You’re now my script supervisor…… Of course you’re still the lead actress, and now you’re my script supervisor too.”
Example 7:
“Can we somehow attach the camera to the car?”
“Not safely.”
“But we can do it, right?”
Example 8:
“Alright everyone, I don’t want to alarm you, but I have an actor who’s going to take his pants off. It’s no big deal, he’s wearing underwear. Just go back to drinking your coffee and we’ll be out of here in no time.”
Example 9:
“I’m thinking I might steal that guys camera. I’m not sure yet, but I’m leaning towards yes. I’m pretty sure I can out run him.”
Example 10:
“What’s your budget?”
“…. I got like 11 bucks.”

One of these is not true. Can you guess which one? God, I can’t tell if this is pathetic or epic that only one of those isn’t true. First person to guess which one isn’t real gets a short script written about them as a super hero which I will post on my website.

I went to see Tron 2.0 last night in 3d. I was entertained. But not really by the 3d effect. In fact, I would have preferred to see it without. It’s not that I’m an old fashioned film buff and I think all cinema should be projected on a shitty projector and seen through film stock that looks like it’s been dragged through the dirt for 4 miles. I suppose my biggest complaint with 3d is that it makes my eyes hurt and it gives me a headache. Apparently this is a common issue. In fact I just read a review on a 3d television broadcast that said the camera angles chosen increased 3d associated headaches. Increased? So, they were there before and shitty camera work made them worse? Wow, sounds fun. Second of all it’s gimmicky. It’s blatantly obvious that sometimes it’s a producers attempt to cover up a story that’s lacking.
A shitty movie is a shitty movie. Putting it in 3d just makes it a shitty movie in 3d. We’re already seeing this phenomenon with the Green Hornet. I haven’t seen it yet, it could be great. But the fact that they pushed the movie back a month to make it available in 3d is already having people assuming that the movie is going to be a piece of shit. Third of all, those that can watch a 3d movie without getting a headache don’t really care if a movie is available in 3d or not. Nobody on the planet is going to not see a movie if it’s not offered in 3d. A good movie is a good movie. Putting it in 3d doesn’t make it any better then it already is. Finally, 3d is too soon. Sorry TV companies, but you just got most of the population to commit to HD Television. I also get the sense that because it’s a gimmick a lot of film makers and directors would prefer not to shoot a movie in 3d. Which is only going to get worse as long as Hollywood keeps using it as a patch job for horrible films.  
When HD first came out the entire population didn’t go nuts for it. It took awhile for it to catch on. But when it did come out, nobody hated it and it certainly didn’t give anybody headaches. There were people who claimed they couldn’t see a difference between HD and standard def. But they didn’t mind if HD was what they were watching. On the production side, I didn’t really hear any complaints. I certainly didn’t see HD as an attempt to fix a bad movie or television show.
So, what’s going to happen with 3d? I think movie and TV companies will fuck around with it for another 3-4 years. At which point they will realize where we are currently is about as much acceptance for 3d you’ll get out of the world. And the only real profitable implementation of it is on gimmicky films like Piranha 3d. Because that’s what 3d is, a gimmick. That’s all it ever was and that’s all it ever will be.

So, I will be in Vegas this weekend accepting our award for Do Nice Guys Finish Last. It’s exciting to hear when someone else likes something that you created. Plus I’m kind of an ass and will bring it up as much as possible to brag. “Hey, you remember that time I won that award?” is now my new favorite quote.
Anyway, enough of that for now. A friend of mine did sound work on a documentary called 45365. Not only is it kicking ass and taking names in it’s festival run but it’s airing on PBS on December 14th from 10PM to 11PM. The film hasn’t had a DVD release yet, so it’s kind of hard to see. This is a great opportunity to check it out. So, be sure to watch it. On top of all of that Roger Ebert gave it a glowing review. (http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=%2F20100324%2FREVIEWS%2F100329984) I think that’s pretty cool. I’m pretty sure Roger Ebert has never seen any of my short films. If he did, we might be the first film to get a negative star rating. Just to be clear, I had absolutely nothing to do with this documentary, I just know the guy that did the sound design on it. You can check local listings for it here. If you want to learn more about the film, you can look it up on Google you lazy bastard. I’m just kidding, check the link here.

P.S. My spell check is broken, but that doesn’t matter because I’m awesome at speling.

I am extremely behind on my entertainment quota for the week. I haven’t watched any movies, seen the new episode of Dexter or really watched or worked on much of anything since my last post. I told myself that I would work on something tonight. But as you can tell from searching the archives, that’s usually a bitter lie. I’m working on a couple of scripts right now and both of them are at sort of exciting stages.
When I last left Red Hood, she was in the tail end of a bloody battle. I always wondered what fight scenes in actual movie scripts looked like. Does the writer describe each punch and kick? Or is there just some sort of text alluding to a fight scene? Or is there something that references another document (maybe a video) that describes the fight scene in detail?
The following is a small passage from a fight scene in Kill Bill:

“INT. HOUSEWIFE’S NICE HOME – DAY
The white woman and the black woman FLY into the center of the living room, CRASHING onto her coffe table in front of the sofa.
These two wildcats go at each other savagely, TUMBLING OVER the couch, clawing and scratching all the way, landing together on the plush carpet.
The HOUSEWIFE
KICKS The Bride, sending her CRASHING backwards into the small table where the phone, a note pad (for messages), and the mail is kept.

The Housewife scrambles up on her feet, but is caught by a

FLYING TACKLE from behind by The Bride that sends them both into……..
An ornamental iron and tempered-glass bookcase that has framed family photos, display toys, some African art, and a collection of painted commemorative plates depicting the negro experience in the American military. Starting with a plate featuring Cripis Atkins in the revolutionary war, negro troops in union blue during the civil war, Buffalo soldiers fighting Indians, the Jim Crow troops of the first world war, the colored troops of world war two, Korea, Vietnam, and finally Colin Powell….The Bride and The Housewife CRASH THROUGH all this reducing everything to rubble.”

I have to admit, the detail in this is kind of intimidating. Tarantino spends more time describing the surroundings then the actual fight itself. It’s sort of a mixture of describing it kick for kick but leaving it very open for interpretation. This is probably the best way of doing this. I’m guessing Tarantino did it this way because he wanted to leave certain aspects of the fight scene open to the imagination of those helping out on the project, maybe a fight coordinator or a stunt person or maybe even the actors. Or perhaps he just didn’t really care that much about certain details and wrote whatever the hell he wanted. He talks about kicks, but doesn’t really go in to much detail about it. What type of kick is it? Where on her body does she get kicked? I suppose these details don’t matter. We know the action and what the result is:

 “The HOUSEWIFE
KICKS The Bride, sending her CRASHING backwards into the small table…”

Perhaps that’s all you need. But I guess every writer has to find their own way of doing things. As I stumble through my Red Hood fight scenes, my only hope is that I can write something that others can read and make sense out of.
All this talk of fight scenes has me thinking about where I left Red Hood. I’ll probably finish writing that scene when I get home.

I have a tale to tell and some thoughts on the matter, but I want to make sure everyone is on the same page so I’ll set this up for you.
So we all know, or will now, the widely held belief that a man’s car is innately linked to his penis size. If you see some guy with a retarded flashy sports car, or a giant hummer, or a lifted truck that really has no practical application, etc. we all think “Wow, somebody is compensating a bit much” and as a guy I’m gonna go ahead and say you’re right about that. Occasionally, it’ll be an automotive enthusiast with a pure love for the craftsmanship and ingenuity that went into building the vehicle, but you’re statistically safe in thinking small dick.
While driving home from work today this jerk-off in a VW Rabbit (side bar: how fucking pretentious is that car? “Oh look at me, I’m gonna put a picture of a rabbit on my butt instead of the car name cause I’m too good for labels.” Go fuck yourself!) cuts me off and proceeds to dodge in and out of every lane he can just to gain all of 3 car lengths on me by the end of the freeway. A freeway that I might add was cruising along at 70mph. It’s like the guy thought, “Hey, if I don’t show these people my balls, they’ll assume I don’t have any.” Now, I’d like to propose an inverse to the theory dealing with the driving habits of the owner. When dealing with a small car and an overly aggressive driver, the size of the car is directly linked to the size of the guy’s dick. When I think average size car, I think a Civic. So using that as a base, the smaller a car is than that, the smaller the dude is in his man-jams. So every time you see a small car driving like a madman, just remember that it’s probably just some dude who is mad at Sean for hogging up all the penis quota and leaving them with the short end of the dick.
Seriously guys, unless your wife is in labor and you’re driving her car, or you’re 10 seconds away from shitting yourself cause you couldn’t say ‘no’ to Señor Taco’s colon explosion extravaganza, there really isn’t a need to drive like a petulant child seeking attention.
And just so you know, I drive a VW myself so it isn’t brand hatred that you’ve just read, I just really like to point out and make fun of douche nozzles.

So, the season finale of True Blood aired on Sunday night. To spice things up on the blog, I figured I would do this article in a question and answer format. It makes me feel like someone regards my opinion as valid and it makes me feel like a big shot. The questioner will be my good friend, James. Enjoy:
James: So, what did you think of the finale of True Blood?
Me: I liked it but it left a lot of open storylines. The series did turn a corner, but they left us hanging on so much. I thought it sort of ended at an awkward moment. Like they planned on having another episode, but just never got around to it.
James: What did you think of the whole Hoytt encounter with his family?
Me: I didn’t think that was a very believable conversation. If my Mother insisted that I marry some twit with a strange obsession of dolls over Deborah Ann Woll I would backhand her in the face. The only redeeming quality of that other chick was that she made really awesome biscuits. I don’t care if that biscuit is a God damned life changing experience and that fireworks shoot out of her ass every time you take a bite. Deborah Ann Woll is God damned Deborah Ann Woll.
James: I think that other girl is cute.
Me: Well, you’re retarded. Most people don’t even remember her name. She’s just “that other girl.”
James: It’s just my opinion.
Me: You’re opinion is wrong.
James: Fine, whatever. So, do you think Sookie and Bill are going to get back together?
Me: I think she’s going to bang that ware wolf dude and then follow the same pattern of making up and breaking up with Bill. I thought that was kind of obvious. Do you even watch the show?
James: Well… I, yes, yes I do. I’m a big fan.
Me: This is what happens, her and Bill break up, then they have bloody hate sex and get back together. True Blood is filled with moments where you’re watching something and thinking “Am I supposed to be turned on by this? I mean, they’re having sex, but he’s twisting her head around and snapping her neck.”
James: O yeah, that shit was hot. Who doesn’t want to have sex while breaking their partner’s neck?
Me: Pretty much everybody.
James: Not vampires…. Or me.
Me: Well, you need to see a psychiatrist.
James: I already do.
Me: You need to see a GOOD psychiatrist.
James: He’s legit.
Me: Did he go to school?
James: Yeah.
Me: Did he graduate?
James: I don’t know.
Me: Might want to look in to that. Let’s move on.
James: O, yeah, sorry. What about Russell Edgington?
Me: Well, I thought that was kind of awesome at first, but then they said he would be there for 100 years. That’s not very long and it just delays dealing with him. Although, if you think about it, he’s probably going to die when they break up that concrete.
James: How do you figure?
Me: Who the hell digs up concrete in the middle of the night? It’ll be the middle of the day when they dig him up, he’ll burn up in a blue flame and die.
James: Good point. What about Jason?
Me: He’s now the leader of the red neck ware wolfs. I’m cool with that.
James: What about Lafayette being a witch?
Me: Lafayette is one of my favorite characters. He’s hilarious and beats people up. I’m glad to see him getting a bigger role in the story. I think Nelsan Ellis is doing an amazing job playing him.
James: I had a dream that I killed you.
Me: God damn it James, this is neither the time nor the place! Back to the show.
James: Well, that’s it.
Me: There’s a ton more stuff to cover, what about Sam shooting his brother?
James: Listen man, I don’t actually watch the show, I read all of this off of IMDB. I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about….. I just want to be famous.
Me: Well, that’s probably not going to happen.
James: Why not?
Me: Because, you interview just about as good as old people fuck. So, in closing, they left a lot of cliff hangers and the only thing that bugs me is the fact that we have to wait till next summer to see True Blood again. Dexter will start up on September 26th.
P.S. James isn’t real.