John Q. Phats Entertainment

You know you’re done editing when you feel like if you watch your short film one more time, you might have a mental break down.  It’s mainly just frustrating because we are so close to being done with Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  I made my notes on the 5th cut last night and I was seriously considering telling Gabe to just start on color correction when he was done making the edits.  But, I can’t do that.  You know why?  Because when it’s done, there will be one tiny thing that irritates me that could have been fixed in 2 seconds if I had known it was there.  However if I do look at the draft before we get in to color correction, nothing will be wrong with it and it will be fine.  That’s just how it goes. 
So, about a week ago, a friend of mine is telling me about her good friend that shot a documentary on 5 of these cameras.  She didn’t know what they were called, but she told me they were the newest and best digital cameras out there.  So I said
“Ask you’re friend if I can borrow it for like a week or so.”
She laughed and I laughed but then I said
“I’m serious.”
So, she did and from what she told me he laughed, said no, but admired me for asking.  Works for me.  It was worth a shot, right?  Imagine if he had said yes?  I would have had access to a really awesome camera.  For free.  It never hurts to ask.  You would be surprised at what you could get for free by just asking.  Not that I’m a greedy beggar or anything, but when you’re making films anything you can get for free, you probably should. 
District 9 comes out tomorrow.  I’ve really wanted to see this movie ever since I saw the previews.  It looks a little bit like Cloverfield, which I thought was pretty good.  District 9 looks awesome.  I love these sort of creepy sci fi pictures.  I’m not sure what really draws me to them.  I’m not a sci fi or horror film buff, but for some reason this sort of combination is usually something I really enjoy.  I’m probably going to check it out this Sunday.  I’ll let you guys know how it is.
In a totally unrelated topic, Tropic Thunder was an awesome movie.  I have been quoting that movie all week and laughing just thinking about it.  Tom Cruise was hands down the most entertaining I have ever seen him in any movie he’s ever done.  Every single time his character was on screen I laughed my ass off.
“Now I want you to take a step back… and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!”
Robert Downey Jr. kills it in that movie too.  The
“I’m a lead farmer mother fucker!”
line always cracks me up.  Maybe because it’s just so damn cliche action movie.

Is anyone in the market for an older then old Nextel?  Here is a list of the features:
E-Mail: No
Internet: HA HA HA HA HA !
Text Messaging: …..Sort of
Instant Messaging: No
GPS: No
Touch Screen: No
Color Screen: …..Sort of
Buttons: Yes!
Phone: Yes!

You could drop this thing in to a volcano and it would still work.  O yeah, and it might be broken.  It’s not much of a phone, but it is a good conversation piece.  I used to call it the Zach Morris special edition.  That got me laid quite a bit.  Not really, but it could, if you’re good looking.
I’m still in the process of going through what I can part with.  You know it’s getting bad when you’re looking at your refrigerator thinking:
“Really?  How valuable is cold food to my living situation anyway?”
I’ve thought of some other ways to make some money.  I’m thinking about holding a showing for Nice Guys Finish Last when I’m done with it and charging like $10 a ticket.  That seems like a bit much but, I’ve had a lot of friends that have said they would pony up to help me out.  I would also probably show some other short films from some other film makers.  That’s a big maybe though.  I’m not really interested in hosting my own film festival.  So basically, if I know someone and they want to show something, sure, why not?  I’ll be sure to keep you guys updated on the progress of Nice Guys Finish Last and if I decide to have a showing for it.

Last night I went to see Brüno.  I thought Borat was hilarious, so I expected the same from Brüno.  Brüno is one of those movies that sometimes makes you laugh just because you can’t believe what you’re looking at or because you feel so awkward.  I wonder if Sacha Baron Cohen got punched in the face at some point during the filming of this? He really pushes the envelope with this one.  Of course that was expected.  Going in to this movie, I knew I was going to see at least one thing that I couldn’t believe he did.  It’s sort of cheap trick shock humor, but whatever, it made me laugh, so it works.  I’m kind of curious what Sacha Baron Cohen would come up with in terms of writing a script.  He can be very funny in the moment, but most of his comedy works because it’s done with real people who have no idea what’s going on.  I think he’s very funny, so I wonder what kind of a script he would come up with.  As far as Brüno goes, I thought it was funny.  Maybe I’m crazy, but I kind of picked up on a political undertone in the movie.  A person who saw it with me said the same exact thing.  Not all the shock comes from Sacha Baron Cohen.  We all probably knew that there were people out there who were anti gay to a point of absurdness, but actually seeing something like that play out right before your eyes is almost just as shocking as the Brüno character himself. 
This week, I’m going through the always painful process of selling my personal belongings to fund my next short film.  One day, I’m probably going to run out of stuff to sell, but for now, this works.  I’m also going to be watching Gabe’s first cut of Nice Guys Finish Last about a million times.  I’ll try to be ultra critical and in the process will start to doubt the original script, but don’t worry, in the end, it will all work out.
On a side note, did anyone see UFC 100?  That falling punch from Dan Handerson on Michael Bisping had to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

I need money to make my new short film.  Plain and simple.  In the past I’ve resorted to selling my personal belongings.  I sold a couple old cameras, video games, furniture, computers, really whatever I could get my hands on.  I think I can make my new project for roughly $2000.  Things I haven’t tried yet are selling sperm and blood.  I should try to sell some blood, I have O-, which everyone can take.  Obviously, God wanted me to sell blood, so I can make this short film.  I’ll have to look in to that.  I’m not sure how I feel about donating sperm.  I would feel really sorry for the woman who gets that sperm.  It would almost be like playing a really cruel joke on someone.  I think one of me is enough.
I’ve been reading this new book called How Not to Make a Short Film by Roberta Marie Munroe.  She’s done just about everything on a short film and used to be a programmer for Sundance.  Needless to say, her advice is valuable.  She’s already listed a couple things that I’m guilty of.  For one, when submitting your short film to festivals, don’t put your companies logo in the front of it.  Nobody has heard of your company and furthermore, nobody cares what the name of it is.  I’m totally guilty of this.  There are a couple things in the book that I don’t agree with though.  In one section there are different budget brackets.  The first bracket is $11,000.  That’s the first bracket.  They slowly ascend to $75,000.  Basically what that tells me is that according to this book, you can’t make a decent short film for under $11,000.  It lists all of the equipment and crew you need.  I totally and completely disagree with that.  $11,000 for a short film is bloated to me to say the least.  Robert Rodriguez shot El Mariachi for $7000 and most of that budget was spent on the camera.  And that was an 80+ minute long movie.  The example the book uses is a 15 page short film.  And it’s using the time frame of a 2 day weekend shoot.  Maybe I missed something in the interpretation, but that’s what I’m getting out of it.  Later on in the chapter there is an interview with a film maker who made a successfull short film for roughly $4500.  One of the things listed in the $11,000 budget is a continental breakfast for a 35 person crew.  Go to the supermarket, buy some fruit, get some yogurt, granola,  some bread to toast, little orange juice, some bagels, put someone who will work for free on food prep duty, and there’s your continental breakfast.  Better yet, go to Togo’s and order a sand which platter, they’re like $40, I do it all the time.  Also, 35 person crew?!  Are you serious?  That seems bloated to say the least.  I shot Censored with an 8 person crew and I had no clue what I was doing and that seemed bloated and that’s been accepted to festivals.  I shot Nice Guys Finish Last most of the time with a 4 person crew.  I shot Say Something with a 5 person crew and it cost me like $100, if even that.  That was an 8 minute long short film that all of my teachers(who were industry professionals) thought was great.  Maybe I’m just not at the level she’s at yet, but Jesus Christ.  If Robert Rodriguez can make a good movie for $7000, I can make a 15 minute short film for way under $11,000.  I think, anyone can shoot anything they want for free, they just have to know the right people and make the right moves.  Don’t get me wrong, Roberta Marie Munroe is a smart lady and she wrote a great book.  I would recommend How Not To Make a Short Film to anyone.  It’s got some good stuff in it, I just can’t agree with that one point.
On to my next order of business.  Is anyone in the market for blood and/or sperm?  I’m selling.

I’ve been looking for a restaurant to film 2 scenes for Nice Guys Finish Last.  I got the number of a place which I will not mention because they might sue me or something.  I was told that this place lets film makers shoot there for free.  So, I called them up and got the number of the owner.  So I gave him a call.  His first question was “What’s your location budget?”  My response “Uhhhh, zero, I don’t have a budget, it’s an independent short film.”  His response was “Eat a bag of shit.”  He didn’t say it quite like that, but that’s what I got out of it.  So I asked him how much he would charge.  He said roughly $500 for 2 hours.  I said “Eat a bag of shit.”  Well, not quite like that, but that’s the general meaning of what I was trying to get across.
I’m pretty sure I could sell some shit and raise $500, shoot the scene in two hours and be done with it.  But screw that in the neck.  Why pay $500, for something that I could get for free?  I just have to find the right place.  I’ve shot in a coffee shop for free and I’ve had a friend shoot in an art gallery for free.  I even shot in a Target once.  Of course I didn’t really ask anyone, I just sort of set the camera up and did it.  The employees making minimum wage didn’t really seem to give a shit.  I don’t blame them.  A manager walked up at one point, looked at us for roughly 3 seconds and then just kept walking.  I’ll find a place.  Maybe I’ll check some places out on Wednesday.