John Q. Phats Entertainment

I had a bad dream about one of the villains in Red Hood last night.  This is a great sign.  I want the villains to be memorable and intimidating.  I got stuck on a bit of dialogue last night.  But that’s ok, I’m sure it will come to me.  Strangely, I’m starting to get ideas for Red Hood 2.  Too soon?  I could write it as one long piece and then just split it in half.  Red Hood has a final destination.  I know where she has to end up, I’ve known for awhile.  Since the beginning, Red Hood’s ending has had sort of an open ending, leaving room for a sequel.  So, it’s kind of like I’m writing one four hour movie.  Red Hood would work just fine without a sequel.  But that’s not what I had in mind.  It was important for me to make it work on it’s own.  One script is hard enough to sell.
I’ve come to realize that I really do enjoy writing.  I’ll make an excuse to write anything.  Like anything though it’s tough to get started.  The only advice I can give to someone having this issue is to stop being a pussy and just do it.  Write something terrible, who cares?  You know how many horrible movies have not only been written, but actually made? 
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls-  Tons of money spent making it and I would say it was kind of a dud. 
Contact- You wait the whole fucking movie to see the god damned alien and then it uses some stupid mind shit to appear as her father.  Then in so many words tells her they’re going to send her back with absolutely no proof what so ever of her encounter for no God damned reason.  I so wanted the main character to pull out a gun and shoot her alien father in the head at the end of that movie. 
Death Bed, The Bed That Eats- Granted, this is one of those movies that’s so bad it comes back around in to awesome.  However the fact that someone actually had to sell this movie to a producer and succeeded is un fucking believable to me.  How the hell did that conversation go?
Writer: So, I got this script, it’s about a bed that eats people.
Producer: ……That’s really funny, seriously, what’s your script about?
If you ever need a quick pick me up head over to the IMDB Bottom 100 list.  Rent some of them, you’ll feel much better about what you write from that point on.  Especially considering these were all movies that were funded, produced, and actually made.  Meanwhile you’re just writing, so who cares if you write something terrible?

I just got done watching Heckler.  It’s a documentary starring Jamie Kennedy about hecklers and movie critics.  It talks a lot about how critics have started to make their reviews more of personal attacks on the people involved in making the movie rather then an actual review of the film itself.  It was a pretty good documentary.  I thought it brought up some good points.  A lot of the times, critics do write reviews of shear hatred for the film makers and actors just because they are trying to be funny.  It’s funny at the expense of others though.  While they are pretty harsh, I have to say, for the amount of money that actors get paid, you could say what ever the fuck you want about me.  You could say I should die or get cancer, or that I’m gay.  For that much money not only could you say I’m gay, but I would go in the back and prove it to you.  Anyway, I understand that it’s all relative.  Just because I think a movie sucks, doesn’t mean other people should share my same opinion.  Other people might enjoy it and I’m totally fine with that.  I don’t think you’re an idiot if you liked something that I didn’t.  In fact some people think I’m crazy because I actually really do enjoy bad movies.  If I enjoy them, they’ve served their purpose for me.  A movie is made to entertain and that’s what these have done for me.  So, here’s a list of bad movies that I have enjoyed:

Norbit- I can’t explain it but I laugh harder every time I watch this movie.  I’ve seen it on the movie channels like 30 times.  It’s Eddie Murphy for Christs sake, he’s funny as hell.  If laughing at a fat, stereotyped black woman is wrong, I don’t want to be right.  Me and a guy at work every once in awhile will say “You wanna see a bitch go down a slide?!  I’ll show you how a bitch go down a slide!”
House of the Dead- While Uwe Boll can be an asshole sometimes, I’ve recently come to realize that I have to respect the guy.  He’s probably the most hated director/film maker ever.  Type his name in to google and you’ll come up with endless pages all filled with hatred.  His movies have lost a total of 93 million dollars.  I think everything he’s made has been on the IMDB bottom 100 list at some point.  People have started a petition to try and get him to stop making movies.  But still, he plugs on and keeps coming out with stuff.  This man must have balls made of kryptonite that are coated with adamantium (O yes, I went there).  I have to respect his willingness and determination to go on.  The guy likes making movies, so that’s what he does.  Good for him.  House of the Dead is the first Uwe Boll movie that I saw.  Flipping through the channels one night I saw “House of the Dead” and thought to myself “They made a movie off of that game?  Jesus Christ, the game wasn’t even that good.”    Yes, the movie is based off of the popular arcade game.  The next hour and a half of my life was spent wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes and saying “what the fuck?” whenever I could catch my breath as I watched it.  The next month of my life I probably watched it 20 or so times, because I kept having to show it to friends.  Every time I watched it, it just kept getting funnier.  I want to buy it on BluRay, just to brag that I have it.
Over The Top- Sylvester Stallone is a truck driver that enters an arm wrestling tournament to win a truck.  I’m serious.
Death Bed, The Bed That Eats- I think the title says it all.  It’s about a bed that eats….  People mostly.  I first heard about this movie while listening to one of Patton Oswalt’s stand up acts.  When I heard the title, I thought to myself “There’s no way in hell that’s a real movie.”  It is and it will change your life.
Zombie Nation- I’m still trying to figure out why there is a giant, oversized, gong in the police station.  Do the cops bang on it when ever they book someone?  What the fuck?  This movie is written and directed by a guy named Ulli Lommel.  If you can make it through 3 of his movies straight without laughing or vomiting I’ll give you a dollar.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter- The thing that makes this movie so awesome is that it knows that it’s absolutely absurd.  It makes fun of itself and it works.  I was extremely entertained while watching this movie.  It’s exactly what it sounds like.  Jesus Christ comes back to fight vampires.  He has an assistant who’s a big fat Mexican wrestler (mask and all) named El Santos.  Again, I’m serious.
Subliminal Seduction- You remember Ian Ziering?  From 90210?  Good.  You know what a soft core porno is?
Death to Smoochy- I don’t care what anyone says, this movie is fucking genius.  A lot of people probably wouldn’t agree with this being labeled a “bad” movie, but I’ve heard a lot of people shit on it.  I think it’s a great flick.  I laugh my ass off when ever Robin Williams is on screen and I thought Edward Norton pulled it off.
Snakes on a Plane- This one is pretty obvious.  I really only mentioned it because the web site for this movie was amazing.  You could put in your friends names and numbers and a recording of Samuel L. Jackson would call them and tell them they need to see the movie.  I think it’s boarder line illegal, but whatever.  I spent like 3 hours on the site putting all of my friends numbers in to it.  Then I would giggle like a school girl at the thought of Samuel L. Jackson calling them. 
Blankman- When Damon Wayans screams like that I get a little turned on.
Senseless- I’m starting a Wayans brothers theme here.  Marlon Wayans is hysterical in this movie.  Plus Rip Torn is in this movie and he’s the epitome of awesome.
Freddy Got Fingered- Again, Rip Torn.  He can do no wrong.  He’s acted in over 170 movies and I’m sure they are all amazing solely because of him.  I still crack up laughing when Tom Greene cracks that chick in the wheel chair in the face with the stick.
Killer Clowns From Outer Space- Of course aliens look like clowns.  Why wouldn’t they?
Bad Taste- Peter Jackson did some pretty crazy movies before Lord of the Rings.  Bad Taste is one of them.  At one point a bunch of aliens throw up in to a bowl and make some guy eat it.  They really should have put a scene like that in Lord of the Rings.
Braindead- Another Peter Jackson movie.  The lead character at one point makes probably the greatest decision in movie making history.  He decides that he is going to kill zombies…..  with a lawn mower.  He starts the lawn mower, picks it up, runs around, and grinds zombies in to hamburger meat.  I actually yelled out “now that’s awesome!” when I saw that scene.  How in the hell did nobody think of this concept before this movie?  God bless you Peter Jackson.
The Cable Guy- Actually refferenced in The Simpsons as “That awful script that almost ruined Jim Carey’s career.”  I thought it was funny though.

I could go on and on, but I’m going to stop here.  Regardless of the label of “bad movie” I’ve enjoyed all of these.  How good a movie is, is all relative to the viewer.  Personal attacks on the film maker and actors involved is vicious for the sake of trying to be funny.  It’s not necessary.  This is something that a lot of people have spent a lot of time and money on, I can understand them taking these attacks personally.  On the same note though, film makers and actors can’t take reviews so personally.  I make ultra low budget short films, I’ve been told that they suck before.  I’ll probably make several more that people will tell me suck in the future.  But who cares?  I made them and regardless of how many people hate them, I’m proud of them and if you don’t like it, don’t watch it.  The other side of that?  If I couldn’t take that criticism, I wouldn’t make them and post them for the public to see.