John Q. Phats Entertainment

Yesterday, I sent Do Nice Guys Finish Last for it’s first festival submission.  It’s done.  It’s almost kind of hard to believe.  I’ve been working on this thing for so long and there have been so many mishaps.  Including one final one.  When Gabe burned it on to a DVD and I watched it, the credit music was missing.  When I told him the music was missing, he decided to add it right there and re export it.  I had emailed him the music about a week ago but I guess he hadn’t listened to it.  So, he decides to give it a listen before bringing it in to Premier.  Twenty minutes after he listened to it, he was still laughing at what a horrible selection I had made music wise.  He even brought over a friend of ours to laugh with him.  I couldn’t help but laugh myself.  He said the music reminded him of that song from the Legend of Zelda.  Yeah, I picked some shitty music for the credits.  It was royalty free though.  Here’s the thing, I am completely tone deaf.  I can’t tell the difference between a tuned guitar and my dick.  Seriously, it’s that bad.  Once when I was younger, I thought it would be a good idea to tighten all the little knobs on the end of my Dad’s guitar.  He laughed hysterically at how bad it sounded and I seriously, couldn’t tell the difference.  The five copies I have right now don’t have any music to go with the credits.  It’s probably better that way.  I should just stay away from musical selection all together.  The festival I sent it out to makes it IMDB appropriate.  I’m looking forward to that.  Now I’ll have two films under my filmography on IMDB.  I’ve thought about making like 10 short films, entering them all in IMDB qualifying festivals, and just submitting all of them.  That way, I can trick people in to thinking I’m a big shot.  Those short films would be incredibly stupid, but whatever.  I would probably get lazy really early and the titles would look something like this:
The Living Room
Dogs and Pillows
Walls
Chris Punches Himself in the Face
Chris Punches Himself in the Face II
Chris Punches Himself in the Face III
Chris Punches Himself in the Face IV
Chris Punches Himself in the Face V
Chris Punches Himself in the Face VI
Chris Punches Himself in the Face VII
You get the idea.  Anyway, DNGFL is DONE!  Thank God.  If it absolutely fails on the festival attempts I’ll be posting it here very soon.  I’ll let you guys know how it’s doing.

Gabe gave me the new DNGFL last week.  So, I take it to my house, import the .MOV in to Premier, carefully add my credits to the end of it, and then I export it.  Then I check the new, exported .MOV.  I watch it all the way through, even though my computer struggles through it because it’s like a 23 gig file.  It looks good.  I’m satisfied.  I burn it to a DVD and just for shits and giggles I throw it in to my DVD player.  It looks great, I’m happy, I’m talking to my girlfriend on the phone about how awesome it looks.  She’s happy, I’m happy, everything is great.  Then I yell out “Mother fucker!” because the credits come on screen and look all distorted and screwed up.  I sit in shock and disbelief.   tell my girlfriend I have to go.  I contemplate throwing my DVD player out the window.  Then I realize that it’s not the DVD players fault.  Then I contemplate throwing my computer out the window.  I realize that it’s not my computers fault.  No, this is the fault of this fucking short film.  Then I realize that I can’t throw it out the window because technically, it doesn’t have a physical presence.  My frustration grows stronger.  I guess I’ll just keep trudging on.  I’ve burned tons of short films and never had a problem with the credits screwing up like that.  Why now?  Why this short film?  Because this project is the devil, that’s why.

Stupid short film refuses to be finished.  Yes, we are still working on it.  No, I haven’t dropped off of the planet and I’m not dead.  We’ve been working on a new name for the company and a new logo.  It’s still in the early stages, but I think it looks pretty sharp.  No, I’m not just saying that because of our little argument over e-mail, Chris, you bastard.  I really do like the way it looks.
I really need to write something.  I want to rent an HD camera and experiment with it.  Even if I shoot something kind of lame, it would be fun to play with HD.  I’ll get right on that.  I’m also searching for a huge couch.  The biggest one I’ve found so far was 11.5 feet long.  That’s a huge fucking couch.  What the hell would you even use that for?  Seriously, think about that.  If you were on one side and another person was on the other, there would be roughly 9 feet between the two of you.  You could play a legitimate game of frisbee at that distance.  That’s about the size that I need though.  How do I get myself in to this shit?  How did I get to the point where I NEED an 11.5 foot couch?  O well, this is what keeps me going.  Keeps my imagination going.  I’m reading A TV Writers Workbook again.  Don’t get me wrong, that book is awesome, but sometimes it makes writing seem like such an intimidating task.  It usually explains its way out of it, but right in the middle of a chapter sometimes I’ll be thinking to myself “Shit!  I have no clue what I’m doing!”  I suppose that’s why you would read the book though.  So you know what to do to write a script. 
Quick list of what’s going on:
1. Still finishing Do Nice Guys Finish Last.
2. Looking for a giant couch.  Anyone know where I can find one?
3. Trying not to go insane.  

P.S. I’ve decided to curse on my blog now.  If Kevin Smith can get away with talking about selling tickets in an alley to pork his wife on Twitter, I can fucking curse.

I’ve been holding out posting till I was done with Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  But I’ve come to the realization that it’s never going to be done.  It’s just going to be that unfinished project that eats away at my brain and will one day be one of the factors that drives me to go absolutely insane.  I’m probably going to be crazy when I’m older.  My grandfather on my Dad’s side is pretty crazy, but he’s one of those indestructible bastards that will live to be like 140.  Despite the fact that his diet is terrible and he falls down every hour or so.  My Dad is probably going to be crazy when he’s older and I’ll be the one chasing after him making sure he doesn’t steal batteries from Radio Shack or try to carry left over soup home from a restaurant in a napkin. 
In all seriousness, DNGFL will be done eventually, it’s just that we are dealing with a lot of set backs right now.  If it’s not one issue it’s another.  Right now we are dealing with frame rate issues.  Our final came out jumpy, which means that something went wrong in exporting, which means that Gabe has to do the color correction again.  O well, I should be getting the somewhat final from him either today or tomorrow.  I still have to add the transitions and all that, but that’s no big deal.  That shouldn’t take me that long.  Either way, I’ll keep plugging away.  Maybe I’ll be done by the end of this week.  That’s a big maybe though.

Today should be the day that Gabe brings me Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  Then, I just have to make a couple changes to the credits and we are all set.  I didn’t realize it, but I’ve filled up my schedule with recent projects.  I’m doing editing for that guy that guy that does video game videos.  By the way, my After Effects endeavor last night was a total failure.  That’s ok, I’ll try again tonight.  I’m doing programming for that film festival.  I’m trying to finish up Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  I’m trying to write something else to shoot.  I should probably cut NHL10 out for about a week to catch up on everything.  Damn it, I really like that game.
Last nights episode of Dexter contained probably the best fight/kill scene of the entire series.  That’s saying a lot, because they are all really well done.  You know when you see something really good and for some reason your initial reaction is to let out a sort of nervous laugh?  Why is that?  Anyway, I got that when the fight scene started in Dexter.  That was followed by a “Holy shit.” 
I saw Where the Wild Things Are on Saturday.  The more I think about it, the more I like it.  It was really nicely shot and it was pretty well thought out and deep.  I liked the book as a kid, but the story line in it was really vague.  I think they filled in the gaps nicely with this movie.  Anyway, it was great, go see it.  I still haven’t seen Zombie Land.  I want to see that so bad.  Maybe I’ll check it out sometime this week and let you guys know what I thought.

I’m pretty sure we are done with Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  Not really though.  All I have to do is get the final from Gabe and add the credits.  I think what Gabe has to do is just put everything together.  It’s kind of hard to explain.  Right now, the color correction and transitions are on two different files.  I have no clue how he puts the two together, but apparently it will only take him like 5 minutes.  I’ve already finished the credits. 
The other day I heard that a friend of a friend absolutely hated Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  She thought it was offensive and depicted women as shallow.  I’m not going to lie, that’s a possibility.  I personally thought that the men were depicted just as shallow as the women.  If not more so.  Caine’s character is the absolute epitome of a sex crazed male idiot.  I more thought of it as a “what a stupid world” type of a statement.  Still, I’m always curious what other people think.  The other day someone told me that they liked Censored, but they didn’t consider it a comedy at all.  They considered it a bold statement on how censorship can strip everything human away from us.  How, if you censor us, there’s nothing left.  I thought that was really interesting.  She was absolutely shocked that I didn’t make that statement on purpose.  It was kind of an after thought, but when I sat down to write Censored, I wasn’t thinking that at all.  I told her friend to e-mail me.  I’m really curious what she thinks.  Everyone interprets things differently and I think I should take all those interpretations  in to consideration. 
So, I’ve finally started messing around with Adobe After Effects.  That is possibly the coolest program I’ve ever worked with.  I’m going to throw this link up here again because I absolutely love this web site:
http://www.videocopilot.net/tutorials/
I have no clue why this guy posts all these tutorials for free, but holy hell does this guy know his stuff.  On top of that, he’s great at walking you through step by step and explaining things.  I’ve started doing some work for a guy who does video game videos and I made this intro using one of the tutorials on Video Copilot.  Check it out:
http://www.vimeo.com/7013250
I thought about posting something like that here, but I don’t really think it would fit in the shorts section.

So, we are still waiting on the judging for Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  Again, we gave 2 versions of the short film to 5 people and told them to pick which one they liked best.  We are still waiting on their final word.  Maybe we will have it by the end of today.  Then, we will be done and I will send it off to film festivals.  It’s nerve racking having other people look at your short film for the first time.  O well, that’s why we make them, right?
I’m reading A TV Writers Workbook by Ellen Sandler still.  This book is unbelievable.  I’m loving it so far.  It really does put writing in to a process that’s not so daunting and intimidating.  Plus she’s a writer at heart, so she knows how to put an entertaining twist on everything she says.  I remember a long time ago, I read a book on short film making.  I forgot what it was called or who wrote it.  It had loads of great information in it, but my God was it boring to read.  It was like reading VCR instructions.  I’m actually kind of excited whenever I read A TV Writers Workbook.  I want to know what she has to say.  I’m taking my time with it and actually doing the exercises in the book as I go.  Sometimes I read chapters over again, just to put the information to memory.  Even if you don’t want to get involved in writing for TV, I would recommend it.  It’s a great writers guide and the techniques can be applied anywhere.
Now on to a random fact that I discovered last night.  I’m really trying to get my girlfriend addicted to Dexter.  So, I’ve started watching season 1 with her.  My girlfriend loves True Blood.  She can’t get enough of it.  We’ve stayed up till like midnight watching episode after episode of True Blood.  Which for me is early, but for her is insanely late.  Anyway, we are watching Dexter and she says “Hey, that guys is on True Blood.  He plays Sam Merlotte.”  Low and behold there he was, Sam Trammell, the actor who plays Sam Merlotte.  He was on the second show of the first season and he was one of Dexter’s victims.  He was an alcoholic that would go from city to city drinking and driving.  Every single time he would get too drunk and hit someone he would just pack up and move to another city.  So, if anyone ever asks you “what True Blood character had an appearance on Dexter in the first season?”  You can say Sam Trammell.  Not that anyone will ever ask you that.  I suppose calling it a useless fact was quite justified.

Here’s what we did for Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  I did a version with transitions and Gabe did a version with transitions.  We are then going to let 3 people watch them both and give us their opinion.  Why?  We both had very different ideas of how the transitions should look.  This isn’t really about who’s right and who’s wrong, it’s about what works better.  Were we tempted to just say screw it and pick one?  Yes.  But we both decided that we are so close to the end that it would be stupid to just blindly pick one.  We’ve spent a lot of time and energy making this look how we want it to.  Why should we half ass it at the end?  Once this is done, we are done.  I’m going to start sending it out.  I’m kind of nervous and excited all at the same time. 
Anyone catch last nights episode of Dexter?  How is it possible that a show gets better and better with each season?  I don’t think I’ve ever had a show hold my absolute attention as long as this one.  I mean, I’ve been watching The Simpsons since I was like 9.  But I don’t think I’ve ever been anticipating a new season of that show at all really.  It’s The Simpsons, if it’s on, you watch it.  If it’s an episode you haven’t seen already, cool.  I’m trying to get my girlfriend in to Dexter, but it’s not really working out so well.  I watched the first episode of the show yesterday with her and she said she didn’t know how she felt about it.  She said she was kind of disturbed.  It’s kind of a disturbing show.  But that’s why I like it.  She’s the first person I’ve met that hasn’t been instantly addicted to this show.  We’ve got like a small cult following of the show at work and we all talk about it.  I realized something about the first season that I didn’t really notice before.  The cinematography in that show took a lot more risks then season 2, 3, and so far 4.  It just seemed to get a lot more standard after season 1.  Season 1 used close ups, weird angles, and really dark lighting.  I wonder if it’s success caused that?  I just wonder what changed.  The first episode was especially thought out.  The first time you see him kill someone and he’s questioning the victim, they hid his face in the dark.  The rest of him is visible, but his face is hidden.  I think it’s because they wanted to show that side of him as sort of something to fear.  Like a monster without a face.  We always fear something that we can’t see.  They also seemed to go with a dark lighting scheme whenever the scene revolved around him either planning or on his way to kill someone.  I thought it was a nice choice.  The show is still lit darkly at times, but I felt it was much more edgy in the first season.  I like the show either way.
I saw Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs yesterday.  I was interested in that new technology that they used for it.  They hooked a camera up in a room with sensors in it.  When the camera man looked through the lens he saw what was in the 3d animated world.  They could then play scenes or sequences from the movie and have an actual camera man capture it.  They could record all of the camera mans movements and incorporate that in to the scene.  I thought it was awesome that they could do that and a good idea.  That movie was great.  What makes a great kids movie is a movie that parents can take their kids to that the parents can enjoy too.  You know once the kid gets that movie on DVD, he/she is going to watch it at least a million times.  It has to be enjoyable to both the kids watching it and the parents.  I think Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs can be for everyone.  I thought it was really entertaining, I liked it.  It was an great story and some of the visuals were amazing.
I’ll keep you guys updated on Do Nice Guys Finish Last.

Censored is back up in the shorts section.  Along with its fancy new laurels.  I think the Censored festival run is over.  It had a good run.  I would have really liked for it to screen out of the country.  Of course, I didn’t really submit to any festivals in other countries.  But I at least would have like to get it out of state.  That’s all right.  Maybe Do Nice Guys Finish Last will break the California borders.  We’ll see.
Being a programmer for a film festival, I have a whole new outlook on how to submit.  When submitting Censored I made one mistake, which actually is forgivable.  I showed the name of my company before the film started.  The blunt truth is that when watching short films as a programmer, I don’t really care what the name of the company who made it is.  I’ve never heard of this company and there’s a 99.999999% chance that I’m going to forget it 3 seconds in to the film.  I read a lot of books on how to submit to a film festival and I was happy to realize that I got everything else right.  My festival ID # was always clearly displayed on the both the DVD and the DVD case.  Along with the run time of the short film, the DVD region, the name of the film, and my name.  Also, my film didn’t have a DVD menu with only one option.  You put it in to the DVD player and it starts.  After programming I can also see why I got some rejection letters.  It’s good to see the other side of everything and it gives me an opportunity to correct some of the mistakes I’ve made.  After all this programming, it’s become even more apparent that it’s all about the story.  If the story sucks, the short film sucks.  You can have Oscar winning actors and jaw dropping cinematography, but if the story is some rehash of an idea that’s been done a million times or it’s just a shitty story, I’m unimpressed and so are other people.  This next bit is a little random.  Please, for the love of God, don’t start your horror short film with the killer or crazy person or whatever making a montage of pictures they’ve taken of their next victim or their victims.  In fact, avoid the making of the picture montage scene all together.  It’s been done about a gajillion times and it’s sort of lost it’s shock value at this point.  I’m sure you can come up with something much better anyway.

I think we are done with Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  Finally, right?  I say “think” because we may still have a little bit more work to do on it.  I’m still not sure though.  I tried to stick with that amateur film maker style and make the transitions simplistic.  They were simplistic, yet thought out.  I really liked it.  That short film has sort of grown on me.  I wasn’t really all that crazy about it when we had the first couple of edits, but I think it’s a funny short film.  I think I can get it in at least 1 festival. 
I’m reading a new book, A TV Writer’s Workbook by Ellen Sandler.  I haven’t really read that much of it, but I have to say, it’s extremely entertaining thus far.  I probably shouldn’t have expected anything less from an experienced writer.  She has all these great stories about her experience in the industry.  I’m going to do the exercises in the book.  I have a really hard time writing sometimes.  Plus I haven’t read a single book on it, so this works. 
I watched the first episode of Dexter, season 4 last night.  I wish I could have caught it on Sunday when it first aired.  That first episode was awesome.  That part where they altered the intro was great.  
Censored will be available in the Shorts section for viewing soon.  I figure it’s done with its festival run, so we can post it now.