John Q. Phats Entertainment

Still plugging away at the festivals.  I’ve sent it out to five so far.  The last one was sent to Australia.  I thought that was kind of exciting.  I sent it to something called The Sexy International Film Festival.  A festival that focuses around sex and relationships.  I swear to God, they have a festival for every thing.  I’ve seen festivals focused around dogs, cats, homosexuality, ethnicity, religion, the environment, racism, sexism, and many other isms.  At least a sex theme festival is something that’s generally loved by the public.  Who doesn’t like sex of some sort?  Since DNGFL had to make a long trek to Australia, that required a visit to the local US Post Office.  Could there be a worse run organization without it just completely collapsing on itself?  There was this lady there who said they were holding a package for her.  Apparently they keep all of the packages in a giant disorganized pile in the back room.  Brilliant idea during the holidays by the way.  So, the attendant had to go to the back like 4 times to look through everything.  Each time she came back she told the lady “It’s not back there.”  After the fourth time, she found it and gave it to her, so the line could move forward.  I laughed out loud when I saw this.   Here’s the scary part about this though.  These are all government employees.  Essentially these are the same brand of people that RUN OUR COUNTRY.  You know how when you walk up to a postal worker behind that little window and they look like they should have committed suicide like a week ago?  Just how miserable they are and how much they don’t give shit if you get what you want or not?  It’s kind of funny if you really think about it.  Despite all of that DNGFL is on it’s way to Australia.  The reason I bring this up is that while in the post office I started thinking of a comedy revolving around the Post Office, but it quickly turned in to a drama involving suicide and drug abuse.  I bet I could turn that in to a comedy.  Overdosing can be funny if you shoot it right.  The movie Dear God has kind of an up beat theme to it, but after my experience yesterday I can assure you that it was %100 fiction.  It’s about a con man turned postal worker that decides to try and scam people that have written letters to God.  He inadvertently ends up helping them and when the other postal employees catch wind of this, they decide they want to help people too.  Hilarity ensues from this point on.  It’s kind of indication that the post office sucks based on the fact that they need the power of almighty God, just to turn it in to a feel good environment. 
All of that aside, this Saturday me, Caine, and possibly Chris are going to get together this weekend to shoot something.  So, I might just have some new short films up.  Nothing super fancy, but they might be funny.  Caine is funny, that’s pretty much all I have working for me right now.  Neither of us has written a script or thought anything out at all really.  All we know is that we’re going to have a camera, it’s going to be day time, and we are going to shoot something.  I’m stealing an idea from Six Finger Fist here, but what ever.  If anyone wants to give us a title for this new short film, leave it in the comments, and we’ll base our short film off of that title.  Why not, right?

I’ve started submitting Do Nice Guys Finish Last to festivals.  Maybe it’s just me, but the price of festival submissions has sky rocketed.  When I was submitting Censored I would come across an occasional $50 submission fee.  Most of them were in the $10-$35 range.  After submitting to three festivals it seems like $50 is the new $35.  I’ve found a couple that were upwards of $90+.  My first question is “Why?”  My second question is “What the fuck?!”  $90.  Do you know what that gets me?  Just a marginal chance to screen at a film festival.  Actually, I suppose that depends on how good your film is.  I do believe that Do Nice Guys Finish Last is at the very least a decent film.  It’s just that it’s over 15 minutes long.  I’m not very confident that it will screen anywhere.  Not because it’s a bad film but it just goes very against the grain.  The run time is a big factor and there’s enough cursing in it to make a sailor blush.  It’s got a C-Bomb in it.  That makes it kind of historical.  I believe this is the first film we have completed that has a C-Bomb in it.  Great job everyone, really great work.  I applaud us.  There really aren’t enough C-Bombs in film festivals.  It’s found it’s way in to popular cinema though. 
“Can I get any of you c***s a drink?”
- Nick Frost in Shaun of the Dead
“Your mother’s c*** stinks like carpet cleaner.”
-Mickey Rourke in Barfly
“Shut that c*** mouth or I’ll come over there and fuck start her head.”
-Ryan Phillippe in The Way of the Gun
“Respect the cock…and tame the c***. Tame it.”
-Tom Cruise in Magnolia

So, I’m not that off base here.  If anyone calls me on it, my first response will be “But Tom Cruise said it!”

Yesterday, I sent Do Nice Guys Finish Last for it’s first festival submission.  It’s done.  It’s almost kind of hard to believe.  I’ve been working on this thing for so long and there have been so many mishaps.  Including one final one.  When Gabe burned it on to a DVD and I watched it, the credit music was missing.  When I told him the music was missing, he decided to add it right there and re export it.  I had emailed him the music about a week ago but I guess he hadn’t listened to it.  So, he decides to give it a listen before bringing it in to Premier.  Twenty minutes after he listened to it, he was still laughing at what a horrible selection I had made music wise.  He even brought over a friend of ours to laugh with him.  I couldn’t help but laugh myself.  He said the music reminded him of that song from the Legend of Zelda.  Yeah, I picked some shitty music for the credits.  It was royalty free though.  Here’s the thing, I am completely tone deaf.  I can’t tell the difference between a tuned guitar and my dick.  Seriously, it’s that bad.  Once when I was younger, I thought it would be a good idea to tighten all the little knobs on the end of my Dad’s guitar.  He laughed hysterically at how bad it sounded and I seriously, couldn’t tell the difference.  The five copies I have right now don’t have any music to go with the credits.  It’s probably better that way.  I should just stay away from musical selection all together.  The festival I sent it out to makes it IMDB appropriate.  I’m looking forward to that.  Now I’ll have two films under my filmography on IMDB.  I’ve thought about making like 10 short films, entering them all in IMDB qualifying festivals, and just submitting all of them.  That way, I can trick people in to thinking I’m a big shot.  Those short films would be incredibly stupid, but whatever.  I would probably get lazy really early and the titles would look something like this:
The Living Room
Dogs and Pillows
Walls
Chris Punches Himself in the Face
Chris Punches Himself in the Face II
Chris Punches Himself in the Face III
Chris Punches Himself in the Face IV
Chris Punches Himself in the Face V
Chris Punches Himself in the Face VI
Chris Punches Himself in the Face VII
You get the idea.  Anyway, DNGFL is DONE!  Thank God.  If it absolutely fails on the festival attempts I’ll be posting it here very soon.  I’ll let you guys know how it’s doing.

Here’s what we did for Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  I did a version with transitions and Gabe did a version with transitions.  We are then going to let 3 people watch them both and give us their opinion.  Why?  We both had very different ideas of how the transitions should look.  This isn’t really about who’s right and who’s wrong, it’s about what works better.  Were we tempted to just say screw it and pick one?  Yes.  But we both decided that we are so close to the end that it would be stupid to just blindly pick one.  We’ve spent a lot of time and energy making this look how we want it to.  Why should we half ass it at the end?  Once this is done, we are done.  I’m going to start sending it out.  I’m kind of nervous and excited all at the same time. 
Anyone catch last nights episode of Dexter?  How is it possible that a show gets better and better with each season?  I don’t think I’ve ever had a show hold my absolute attention as long as this one.  I mean, I’ve been watching The Simpsons since I was like 9.  But I don’t think I’ve ever been anticipating a new season of that show at all really.  It’s The Simpsons, if it’s on, you watch it.  If it’s an episode you haven’t seen already, cool.  I’m trying to get my girlfriend in to Dexter, but it’s not really working out so well.  I watched the first episode of the show yesterday with her and she said she didn’t know how she felt about it.  She said she was kind of disturbed.  It’s kind of a disturbing show.  But that’s why I like it.  She’s the first person I’ve met that hasn’t been instantly addicted to this show.  We’ve got like a small cult following of the show at work and we all talk about it.  I realized something about the first season that I didn’t really notice before.  The cinematography in that show took a lot more risks then season 2, 3, and so far 4.  It just seemed to get a lot more standard after season 1.  Season 1 used close ups, weird angles, and really dark lighting.  I wonder if it’s success caused that?  I just wonder what changed.  The first episode was especially thought out.  The first time you see him kill someone and he’s questioning the victim, they hid his face in the dark.  The rest of him is visible, but his face is hidden.  I think it’s because they wanted to show that side of him as sort of something to fear.  Like a monster without a face.  We always fear something that we can’t see.  They also seemed to go with a dark lighting scheme whenever the scene revolved around him either planning or on his way to kill someone.  I thought it was a nice choice.  The show is still lit darkly at times, but I felt it was much more edgy in the first season.  I like the show either way.
I saw Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs yesterday.  I was interested in that new technology that they used for it.  They hooked a camera up in a room with sensors in it.  When the camera man looked through the lens he saw what was in the 3d animated world.  They could then play scenes or sequences from the movie and have an actual camera man capture it.  They could record all of the camera mans movements and incorporate that in to the scene.  I thought it was awesome that they could do that and a good idea.  That movie was great.  What makes a great kids movie is a movie that parents can take their kids to that the parents can enjoy too.  You know once the kid gets that movie on DVD, he/she is going to watch it at least a million times.  It has to be enjoyable to both the kids watching it and the parents.  I think Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs can be for everyone.  I thought it was really entertaining, I liked it.  It was an great story and some of the visuals were amazing.
I’ll keep you guys updated on Do Nice Guys Finish Last.

Censored is back up in the shorts section.  Along with its fancy new laurels.  I think the Censored festival run is over.  It had a good run.  I would have really liked for it to screen out of the country.  Of course, I didn’t really submit to any festivals in other countries.  But I at least would have like to get it out of state.  That’s all right.  Maybe Do Nice Guys Finish Last will break the California borders.  We’ll see.
Being a programmer for a film festival, I have a whole new outlook on how to submit.  When submitting Censored I made one mistake, which actually is forgivable.  I showed the name of my company before the film started.  The blunt truth is that when watching short films as a programmer, I don’t really care what the name of the company who made it is.  I’ve never heard of this company and there’s a 99.999999% chance that I’m going to forget it 3 seconds in to the film.  I read a lot of books on how to submit to a film festival and I was happy to realize that I got everything else right.  My festival ID # was always clearly displayed on the both the DVD and the DVD case.  Along with the run time of the short film, the DVD region, the name of the film, and my name.  Also, my film didn’t have a DVD menu with only one option.  You put it in to the DVD player and it starts.  After programming I can also see why I got some rejection letters.  It’s good to see the other side of everything and it gives me an opportunity to correct some of the mistakes I’ve made.  After all this programming, it’s become even more apparent that it’s all about the story.  If the story sucks, the short film sucks.  You can have Oscar winning actors and jaw dropping cinematography, but if the story is some rehash of an idea that’s been done a million times or it’s just a shitty story, I’m unimpressed and so are other people.  This next bit is a little random.  Please, for the love of God, don’t start your horror short film with the killer or crazy person or whatever making a montage of pictures they’ve taken of their next victim or their victims.  In fact, avoid the making of the picture montage scene all together.  It’s been done about a gajillion times and it’s sort of lost it’s shock value at this point.  I’m sure you can come up with something much better anyway.

I think we are done with Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  Finally, right?  I say “think” because we may still have a little bit more work to do on it.  I’m still not sure though.  I tried to stick with that amateur film maker style and make the transitions simplistic.  They were simplistic, yet thought out.  I really liked it.  That short film has sort of grown on me.  I wasn’t really all that crazy about it when we had the first couple of edits, but I think it’s a funny short film.  I think I can get it in at least 1 festival. 
I’m reading a new book, A TV Writer’s Workbook by Ellen Sandler.  I haven’t really read that much of it, but I have to say, it’s extremely entertaining thus far.  I probably shouldn’t have expected anything less from an experienced writer.  She has all these great stories about her experience in the industry.  I’m going to do the exercises in the book.  I have a really hard time writing sometimes.  Plus I haven’t read a single book on it, so this works. 
I watched the first episode of Dexter, season 4 last night.  I wish I could have caught it on Sunday when it first aired.  That first episode was awesome.  That part where they altered the intro was great.  
Censored will be available in the Shorts section for viewing soon.  I figure it’s done with its festival run, so we can post it now.

Sorry about not posting yesterday, I was in a Benadryl induced haze.  It’s actually kind of fun being in that state of mind at work, makes the day fly by.  Some stuff to talk about, not much but a little.  The whole healing of my leg thing isn’t really going so great.  I thought I would be able to make it to the SoCal Film Festival last night, but my leg was killing me, so I decided to stay home.  I’ll probably have to stay home tonight too.  Sorry for everyone that looked for me on Tuesday.  As punishment, I’ll tell you the story of how I actually injured my leg.  It really does a good job of highlighting my stupidity.  On Saturday, I decided for the first time in over two years to drink.  This wasn’t really a planned out endeavor.  They were playing beer pong and it looked like fun.  So, I lost at beer pong.  Since I haven’t drank in over 2 years, I had the tolerance of an 11 year old girl.  I ended up getting trashed.  Apparently I stepped on my friends girlfriends face and somehow ended up on the roof of the house I was drinking at.  I wouldn’t have believed them if they hadn’t shown me pictures of both.  I also left a message that a lot of people laughed at on a co workers cell phone.  I actually found that kind if hilarious myself.  At one point, I get the brilliant idea to give a friend of mine a piggy back ride. 
“I’m drunk!  I can do anything! :flex:”
So, he gets on my back, he’s much bigger then me, which isn’t saying much, I weigh like 155.  So, then I get the idea that I’m going to run with him on my back.  I get up to a good speed and then I’m laying on the ground.  That’s how I hurt my leg.  I tore a muscle in my hip region so now I look really funny when I walk.  This wouldn’t suck so much if every 5 seconds someone at work didn’t say “O my God!  What happened to your leg?!”
I’ve been just saying “It’s a long story.  I hurt my leg.”  
They keep bugging me for details.  Maybe I should just make something up that makes them uncomfortable so they won’t ask for details.  Maybe:
“Vibrator malfunction”
would work.  It’s simple, could work.  Anyway, on with the show.
Do Nice Guys Finish Last is so close to being done.  The file is huge.  It’s like 25 gigs.  After Effects really added all of that.  I think it’s all the filters and effects we used for color correction.  Either way, we can deal with it.  We are so close to being done.  All we need is transitions and that’s it.  I already finished the credits.  Everything is all set.  It’s frustrating to be this close.  I still want to submit to Sundance. 
Every once in awhile YouTube has something of value to offer.  Not always, in fact almost never.  Most of it is some emo kid sitting in front of a web cam talking about Kanye West or Brittney Spears.  I found this great channel that has all sort so of film making tips and tricks.
http://www.youtube.com/user/videomaker
I’m actually kind of amazed that these are free.  Seriously, if these were available on DVD, I would probably buy them.  No bullshit, just straight up “You want to do this?  Here’s how you do it.”
I also found:
http://www.youtube.com/user/Mr360Games
Nothing really film maker wise, but I’m impressed with the video quality of his stuff.  For video game footage, that’s awesome.  Most of the time, especially on YouTube, it’s just a camcorder propped up in front of a television.  Lame.  This is actually high quality stuff.
I’ve also never mentioned this before, but being such a hockey fan this is probably my favorite web site:
http://www.battleofcali.com/
All those writers are hilarious.  They should write a hockey based script.  Seriously, they really seem to have a good grip on hockey culture.  I could see them writting something like the original Slapshot.  Vulgar as hell, but entertaining and awesome.

I know I promised this to you guys yesterday, but things got a little crazy yesterday.  First off, I think I seriously injured my leg.  That’s ok though, because I had a good time doing it.  I won’t go in to the story so lets just get right in to what I thought of the festival.
It was cool.
Moving along. 
|Just kidding.  The festival was great.  I had a good time and Censored got a great reaction from the crowd.  I always get nervous right before I watch my own short film at a festival.  When I did the Q & A at the Action on Film Festival, I was not nervous at all.  But before my short film actually showed, I think I was shaking.  I can talk about the short film in front of a crowd, no problem.  I don’t know what the deal with that is.  I have to say, I was much less nervous sitting in the audience this time around.  The other films were great.  Some the favorites of the night from the group I went with were 9mm Brush, How to Train Your Pet, Special Delivery, & The Family.  This is not saying that the other films weren’t good, these were just some of our favorites.  I feel like I should mention Couched, just because for a low budget short film, the effects were amazing.  I personally really liked The Family.  The festival is still going on until Wednesday.  I’m giving my leg a day to heal, but I think I’ll probably limp my way over there on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

This will be purley a plug post.  Tomorrow I’ll talk about how it all went and what I thought of Alls Faire in Love(I saw the world premier last night at the festival).  Censored is playing tonight at the SoCal Film Festival.  Program 10- Off The Beaten Path.  You can buy tickets here:
http://www.socalfilmfest.com/tickets.aspx
Say hello if you see me there.
It’s playing at the Huntington Beach Library and Cultural Center at this address:
7111 Talbert Ave., Huntington Beach 92648
My film is playing at 7:20 PM.

I’m still figuring out this whole Twitter thing.  People that are really in to it put “twe” in front of almost everything they say.  For example their Twitter Friends become their “Twepole.”  First off, this is confusing and unnecessary.  Second of all, these people are Twetarted.  I think the whole concept of Twitter is kind of hilarious.  Nobody on the planet really needs to know what someone is doing that much.  Unless of course you’re a celebrity, then I absolutely want to know that you are “walking the dog” or “watching 24″ or “taking a shower.”  Louis C.K. (http://twitter.com/louis_ck) is one of my favorite comedians.  His one and only entry is “Sucking Dicks.”  He made this tweet roughly 3 months ago.  My response a month ago was “Wow, you’ve been sucking dicks for two months? That’s impressive.”  I also follow Kevin Smith on Twitter.  He usually talks about events that he’s attending or stuff that he’s working on.  I read his tweets, the only time I don’t is when he goes absolutely nuts and posts like 100 tweets in 10 minutes.  I’m not even sure how that’s possible, but whatever.  Occasionally, you’ll get something random.  For example today he mentioned how he was excited to get NHL10.  I am not going to lie, I so want to play him.  It’s a little tough to get through to him though.  I imagine since he has like over a million followers he probably got about 100,000 responses to that.  Overall Twitter is amusing.  I’m never really sure what to write though.  I try to keep it kind of general, that way I can let it sit there for like 3 days.  If you want to follow me, my web address is:
http://twitter.com/JohnQPhats
I’m pretty sure I’m going to head to the SoCal Film Festival tonight to watch some more short films.  Say hello if you happen to see me there. 
You can buy tickets here:
http://www.socalfilmfest.com/tickets.aspx
Censored is playing tomorrow at 7:20 in Program 10.