John Q. Phats Entertainment

I’ve started submitting Do Nice Guys Finish Last to festivals.  Maybe it’s just me, but the price of festival submissions has sky rocketed.  When I was submitting Censored I would come across an occasional $50 submission fee.  Most of them were in the $10-$35 range.  After submitting to three festivals it seems like $50 is the new $35.  I’ve found a couple that were upwards of $90+.  My first question is “Why?”  My second question is “What the fuck?!”  $90.  Do you know what that gets me?  Just a marginal chance to screen at a film festival.  Actually, I suppose that depends on how good your film is.  I do believe that Do Nice Guys Finish Last is at the very least a decent film.  It’s just that it’s over 15 minutes long.  I’m not very confident that it will screen anywhere.  Not because it’s a bad film but it just goes very against the grain.  The run time is a big factor and there’s enough cursing in it to make a sailor blush.  It’s got a C-Bomb in it.  That makes it kind of historical.  I believe this is the first film we have completed that has a C-Bomb in it.  Great job everyone, really great work.  I applaud us.  There really aren’t enough C-Bombs in film festivals.  It’s found it’s way in to popular cinema though. 
“Can I get any of you c***s a drink?”
- Nick Frost in Shaun of the Dead
“Your mother’s c*** stinks like carpet cleaner.”
-Mickey Rourke in Barfly
“Shut that c*** mouth or I’ll come over there and fuck start her head.”
-Ryan Phillippe in The Way of the Gun
“Respect the cock…and tame the c***. Tame it.”
-Tom Cruise in Magnolia

So, I’m not that off base here.  If anyone calls me on it, my first response will be “But Tom Cruise said it!”

Yesterday, I sent Do Nice Guys Finish Last for it’s first festival submission.  It’s done.  It’s almost kind of hard to believe.  I’ve been working on this thing for so long and there have been so many mishaps.  Including one final one.  When Gabe burned it on to a DVD and I watched it, the credit music was missing.  When I told him the music was missing, he decided to add it right there and re export it.  I had emailed him the music about a week ago but I guess he hadn’t listened to it.  So, he decides to give it a listen before bringing it in to Premier.  Twenty minutes after he listened to it, he was still laughing at what a horrible selection I had made music wise.  He even brought over a friend of ours to laugh with him.  I couldn’t help but laugh myself.  He said the music reminded him of that song from the Legend of Zelda.  Yeah, I picked some shitty music for the credits.  It was royalty free though.  Here’s the thing, I am completely tone deaf.  I can’t tell the difference between a tuned guitar and my dick.  Seriously, it’s that bad.  Once when I was younger, I thought it would be a good idea to tighten all the little knobs on the end of my Dad’s guitar.  He laughed hysterically at how bad it sounded and I seriously, couldn’t tell the difference.  The five copies I have right now don’t have any music to go with the credits.  It’s probably better that way.  I should just stay away from musical selection all together.  The festival I sent it out to makes it IMDB appropriate.  I’m looking forward to that.  Now I’ll have two films under my filmography on IMDB.  I’ve thought about making like 10 short films, entering them all in IMDB qualifying festivals, and just submitting all of them.  That way, I can trick people in to thinking I’m a big shot.  Those short films would be incredibly stupid, but whatever.  I would probably get lazy really early and the titles would look something like this:
The Living Room
Dogs and Pillows
Walls
Chris Punches Himself in the Face
Chris Punches Himself in the Face II
Chris Punches Himself in the Face III
Chris Punches Himself in the Face IV
Chris Punches Himself in the Face V
Chris Punches Himself in the Face VI
Chris Punches Himself in the Face VII
You get the idea.  Anyway, DNGFL is DONE!  Thank God.  If it absolutely fails on the festival attempts I’ll be posting it here very soon.  I’ll let you guys know how it’s doing.

Censored is back up in the shorts section.  Along with its fancy new laurels.  I think the Censored festival run is over.  It had a good run.  I would have really liked for it to screen out of the country.  Of course, I didn’t really submit to any festivals in other countries.  But I at least would have like to get it out of state.  That’s all right.  Maybe Do Nice Guys Finish Last will break the California borders.  We’ll see.
Being a programmer for a film festival, I have a whole new outlook on how to submit.  When submitting Censored I made one mistake, which actually is forgivable.  I showed the name of my company before the film started.  The blunt truth is that when watching short films as a programmer, I don’t really care what the name of the company who made it is.  I’ve never heard of this company and there’s a 99.999999% chance that I’m going to forget it 3 seconds in to the film.  I read a lot of books on how to submit to a film festival and I was happy to realize that I got everything else right.  My festival ID # was always clearly displayed on the both the DVD and the DVD case.  Along with the run time of the short film, the DVD region, the name of the film, and my name.  Also, my film didn’t have a DVD menu with only one option.  You put it in to the DVD player and it starts.  After programming I can also see why I got some rejection letters.  It’s good to see the other side of everything and it gives me an opportunity to correct some of the mistakes I’ve made.  After all this programming, it’s become even more apparent that it’s all about the story.  If the story sucks, the short film sucks.  You can have Oscar winning actors and jaw dropping cinematography, but if the story is some rehash of an idea that’s been done a million times or it’s just a shitty story, I’m unimpressed and so are other people.  This next bit is a little random.  Please, for the love of God, don’t start your horror short film with the killer or crazy person or whatever making a montage of pictures they’ve taken of their next victim or their victims.  In fact, avoid the making of the picture montage scene all together.  It’s been done about a gajillion times and it’s sort of lost it’s shock value at this point.  I’m sure you can come up with something much better anyway.

I finished up Dexter season 3 last night.  I like how every season of that show leaves on an ending note.  Rather then a cliff hanger that you have to wait months and months to figure out what’s going on.  Seasons 1, 2, and 3 could have ended the series and I would have been perfectly happy with it.  I’m glad that it went longer, I’m just saying that the show does a good job of wrapping everything up at the end.  With each season, Dexter seems to come to some sort of realization that seems to sum up all of his experiences.  I really do enjoy how it does that.  Season 1 was phenomenal, season 2 was better, and I think season 3 was the best out of all of them.
I still haven’t done the audio work on Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  I guess it will have to be after my vacation.  I’m going to Minnesota for a while.  I will do it as soon as I get back though. 
I also figured I would take this opportunity to plug the SoCal Film Fest again.  Here is where you can buy tickets:
http://www.socalfilmfest.com/tickets.aspx
Censored is playing on 9/18/2009 at 7:20PM in Program 10.  The festival is being held at the HB Central Library & Cultural Center Theater.  The address to the theater is:
7111 Talbert Ave., Huntington Beach, CA 92648
Hope to see you guys there.

For those of you that went to the movie thing last night in Huntington, you may have not seen me.  I had a bit of an emergency that I had to deal with so I couldn’t make it.  Sorry if you showed up to say hello and I wasn’t there. 
Last night in being a programmer I got to the good stuff.  These are the films that make me look at my work and think to myself “What the hell am I doing?”  Two especially absolutely amazed me.  There is some great stuff out there.  I already knew that, but I always welcome a good reminder.
I’ve been working on my resume to look for work on a film crew.  Of course, me being a graphic designer I have to make it incredibly complicated and fancy.  What actually started as a work project has evolved in to part of my resume.  I’ll post it when I’m done with it for you guys to check out.  It should be quite glorious.  I’ve also been hard at work on the press kit for Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  It’s kind of fun.  Right now I’m just trying to get the information down, when I’m done with that, I’ll make it fancy.  I’m very tempted to design it like it’s a bunch of scrap paper Chris (main character) scribbled his ideas on.  Why not, right?  I think it would work.
The deadline for Sundance is coming up.  I’m probably going to enter Censored.  Will it get in?  Probably not, but what the hell, right?  If I can get Do Nice Guys Finished Last done on time, I’ll enter that as well.  My hopes are, that Do Nice Guys Finish Last is much better then I think it is.  Not that I think it’s bad.  In fact, I love that short film, I just don’t think it’s all that festival appropriate.  Hopefully, I’m wrong, festivals love it, and audiences laugh so hard, their stomachs hurt.  As I’ve figured out though, it’s very easy to become delusional about how funny something you and your friends think something is vs what the public thinks is funny.  Often times, something you and your friends think is funny, isn’t really all that funny to other people.  Many groups of people I’ve met have told me that I could just put a camera on their friends and have comedic gold.  Have you ever told a really funny story, only to have the person you’re telling it to stare at you with a blank stare?  It usually ends with you saying “Well, I guess you had to be there.”  It’s kind of like that.   
I still haven’t seen Inglorious Bastards.  I want to see that movie so badly.  Maybe I’ll check it out tonight.  Right now, I’m going through all of the movies that I should have seen already, but haven’t for some stupid reason.  For example, I just watched The Shining last week.  Jack Nicholson was a creepy looking bastard.  Even in the beginning, when he’s acting all normal, he’s freaky looking.  With age, I think he became less creepy.  In As Good As it Gets he wasn’t all that menacing.  His character was kind of a prick and he sort of looked the part.  Maybe he’s just that amazing of an actor.  His actual demeanor alters his appearance.  Or does he just pick roles that fit his look at the time?  It’s tough to say.  Either way, the guy is an amazing actor and often times, I’ll watch a movie just because he’s in it.  I always thought Keanu Reeves was good at picking his parts.  He’s not an amazing actor, but the roles he picks fit him so well, he can almost pull it off.  For example, The Matrix.  Could you think of anyone, who could have played Neo better then him?  I think he was absolutely perfect for that role and it’s hard to believe that he wasn’t the first choice to play that character.  Think about it?  Lonely computer hacker, limited social skills, finds comfort with computers, not sure of anything really.  He pulled it off.  Same with The Day the Earth Stood Still and The Devils Advocate.  Again, not really an amazing actor, but all of those roles fit him very well.  It works for me. 
I went off on a bit of a tangent there.  I tend to do that.  I could probably spend days talking about movies and once I get going it’s tough to shut me up.  Anyway, sorry again for not showing up at the SoCal Film Fest Movies by the pier thing, I’ll be sure to make it out to the next one.

So, I’m doing programming for a film festival.  I’ve only watched like 5 films or so and I’m already getting another perspective on this process.  First off, I now completely understand  why every book I read said to make things as simple as possible for the programmers.  You want them to be able to see your tracking number on the DVD.  You want them to be able to put the DVD in a DVD player and boom, the film plays without them having to take any extra action.  They don’t give a crap that you have a fancy DVD menu and they don’t care about the name of your production company.  If they have to take any particular extra effort to see your short film, you’ve already put a bad taste in their mouth about your film and they are more likely to recommend a rejection.  I’ve read all about this, but now it’s even more apparent.  Of course, I’m pretty obsessive, before I sent Censored to any film festivals; I read about 4 books on how to do it. 
Speaking of books, I just finished How Not to Make a Short Film by Robert Marie Munroe.  It’s a very slick and handy little book.  Especially the end which has a pretty extensive list of film maker resources.  Some of her favorites film festivals, production websites, and even a section for film making blogs.  It pretty much has it all covered.  It was a good read.  I’m kind of wondering what I should read next.  Probably a book about either sound design or cinematography.  I’ve read a couple books on cinematography, but it’s an interesting topic.  I really should probably tinker with my camera more.  Just to see what kind of interesting shots I can get. 
So, I have a new goal.  I want to enter Do Nice Guys Finish Last in Sundance.  Will it get in?  Probably not, but who knows, I could get lucky.  Worse thing they can do is send me a rejection letter.  Most rejection letters are pretty soft.  Like:
“We regret to inform you that your film was not selected for our festival.  But we encourage you to enter it in other festivals and keep making films because everything is relative and blah blah blah.”
It’s actually kind of nice.  What if you got one that was really harsh one day?  Like:
“I could sit here and drone on about how you should enter this in to other film festivals, but I won’t.  I’m actually the programmer and I’m writing you this specially to tell you to please not make any more short films.  This was so bad, I seriously considered shooting myself 2 minutes in, so I wouldn’t have to live through another waking moment of this boring and horrible excuse for a short film.  I’m serious, I loaded the gun.  If I pounded on a keyboard with my forehead for 20 minutes straight, the jargon that followed probably would have produced a better script then this bile.  What I have just watched was by far the stupidest thing I have ever seen.  I am now dumber after watching your short film.  If this world were just, you would be killed in some sort of horrific camera accident.  I used to like film, I really did, but your film was so bad, I’m afraid I’ll have flash backs and tremors if I ever watch another film again.  Like shell shock from soldiers coming back from Vietnam.  I hate you.  Please kill yourself.”
That would probably never happen.  If it did, I might cry.  That makes me really glad that they do the things the way that they do. 
Tonight, I’ll be down near the Huntington Beach Pier for the SoCal Film Festival Movies by the Pier event.  If you’re in the area, stop by and say hello.

Yesterday, while delivering something for work, I saw a sign that said “Dexter” with an arrow on it pointing in the direction I was going.  I stayed on course and just kept going.  Then I had to make a right and there was another sign, right before my turn with an arrow pointing to the right.  I still just kept going.  Then I saw an arrow leading in to a parking lot that said “Dexter Crew.”  My first thought was “no freaking way.”  On my way back from my delivery I stopped off in the parking lot just to see it was true or not.  Low and behold, there were several wardrobe and equipment trucks parked near the back.  I didn’t run on set or anything or even get out of my car.  I just wanted to confirm that they were shooting my favorite TV show of all time a stones throw from where I was.  I drove back to work and then went back to the place again on my lunch break this time determined to talk to someone.  The first person I saw was a security guard.  I asked him if they needed any extras, or extra crew or anything.  He said no, so I got in my car and went back to my stupid job.  So many thoughts went through my head before I approached that security guard.  What would I have done if he said yes?  Would I have called my job and told them I wasn’t coming back from lunch?  Absolutely.  What if they had said that I couldn’t do that?  Would I have let them fire me?  Probably.  After my conversation with the guard, a million other thoughts hit me.  Why am I not applying to work on crews on weekends?  What the hell am I doing here?  Here’s where it gets a bit stalkerish.  On my way home from work, there were basically two routes I could take.  One that drove me right past the Dexter shoot and one that didn’t.  I fully intended to just go home, but something made me drive by one more time.  I wanted to give my card to somebody.  Even if it was just the security guard.  So, I approached the same security guard once again and after telling him I was sorry for bothering him handed him my card and asked if he could please hand it off to someone.  He told me he would.  Several things could have happened here.  The most likely is that it went to the security guards pocket and that’s where it stayed.  It will be there until the security guard either washes his pants or empties his pockets and throws it out along with some gum wrappers and receipts.  Another possibility is that he did actually hand it off to someone.  Where it’s now sitting in their pocket until they wash their pants or throw it out along with some gum wrappers and receipts.  This is pretty likely as well.  The unlikeliest of scenarios is that he did hand it off, the person he gave it to looked at it and thought to themselves “Maybe I’ll give this guy a call.”  Or maybe they took that card and filled it under “P” for Psycho.  I have to say, going there for the third time did make me feel a little bit like a stalker.  I wasn’t disruptive or anything though.  I didn’t try to break on to the set or talk my way in.  I wasn’t trying to steal any wardrobe, I was really just looking for an opportunity.  An opportunity to see how a big time production operates and to help out with that.  Dexter is my favorite show, of course I would take any long shot chance presented to me to work on it.  On my way to the Dexter shoot after work, I couldn’t help but think that it was fate.  That maybe something would come out of it.  It doesn’t end with that security guard though.  I think this was a wake up call, that what I want to do is right in my backyard and all I have to do is try.  What are the odds that I would have to do a delivery that day and that my delivery would pass right by a shoot of one of my favorite shows of all time?  Fate or not, it was a wake up call for me.
On to other things though, right?  Just because I passed by a Dexter shoot in my car doesn’t mean my world stops.  Last night I was up pretty late getting some screen shots from Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  I’m trying to put a press kit together.  I got about 40 screen captures for it.  Here are a few of my favorites.  Keep in mind that these are pre color correction:
       
I think they look pretty good.  I really like that behind the scenes one with the clacker.  I just think that’s a really cool picture.  The press kit is well on its way.
An update on the Censored showing at the SoCal Film Festival.  The festival has an updated list of which program has the best ticket sales.  Censored is in Program 10 and Program 10 is listed as third.  Clearly that’s all because of me.  The six or seven visitors my site gets must have gone to town on those tickets sales.  Again, here is the info of where you can buy tickets:
SoCal Film Fest Tickets
Censored is playing in Program 10 on Friday 9/18/2009 at 7:20 PM.  It should be a good time.  There are lots of other short films playing there.  I’ll definitely be there. 
Sooner then that though, I’ll be down near the Huntington Beach Pier this Thursday to watch Finding Nemo at the SoCal Movies by the pier event.  Partially to try to get people to see Censored, but mainly because that event sounds kind of awesome.  Stop by and say hello if you’re in the area.

You may remember that Censored was selected to screen at the SoCal Film Festival.  This morning they released the festivals schedule.  You can view the entire schedule here:
SoCal Film Festival Schedule
Censored is playing on 9/18/2009 in the 7:20PM block.  First of all, that’s a Friday, which is awesome.  I don’t know if it’s luck or what but Censored almost always gets put in the most awesome time slot.  It’s either on a weekend or later on in the night on a weekday.  For this festival you buy tickets for programs.  Each program has a different block of films.  Censored is playing in Program 10.  So if you want to go, be sure to buy tickets for Program 10.  I’m playing with:
9mm Brush
Couched
How to Train Your Pet
Jimmy String bean vs the Rock God of the Cosmos
Love Bombing
Make Art, Save World
Piper & Tupper – Hands Free Born to be Wild
Special Delivery
The Amazing Esca-ciser
The Family
Twirl
I know nothing about any of these, but they all sound amazing.  I’m probably going to be attending this festival quite a bit.  Mainly because it’s so close to me.  I’m kind of curious about what other people are up to in short film making. 
In other news, I reviewed the 5th draft of Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  There are still some minor cuts here and there.  It’s kind of frustrating being this close to the finish line, but what are you gonna do?  We’ll be done soon enough.  I definitely have to make notes on the new draft tonight.  I think this might it.  Watching it, there’s really not much else I can change or things that I’m really displeased with.  I think it has a nice pace, it’s funny when it’s supposed to be, and all the fat is cut.  It’s very to the point and moves along quickly.  I think that’s exactly how this short film should be.

Sorry for the lack of posting this weekend.  The Internet at my house went down again.  I should be getting draft number 5 of Do Nice Guys Finish Last from Gabe tomorrow.  I’m really looking forward to being done with it.  I want to start sending it to festivals already.  I have several friends and family members who bug me about seeing it almost every day.  I’m still not going to rush it though.  We’ll be done with it when me and Gabe both agree that it’s done.  In the mean time, we have been working our asses off on it.  I really believe in getting what I want out of a short film.  Just never saying “it’s good enough.”  If something doesn’t look or sound how I want it to, I’ll re shoot it.  I believe that if you’re a film maker, you should always make the film that you want to make.  Screw what the critics say, screw what other people say, you’re making this short film, make it however you want.  If you do that, it doesn’t matter if other people like it or not.  You made the film that you wanted to make and that’s that.  Of course, other people liking it is a nice added bonus.  I always wanted Do Nice Guys Finish Last to be something that’s funny because it’s true.  That’s part of the reason I made it a mockumentary, to sort of bring people back to the fact that it’s based on a realistic principal.  Plus it was a damn good time filming it.  It’s kind of cool, there’s so much you can get away with in a mockumentary.  A boom mic enters the shot?  O well, that happens in documentaries all the time.  An actor stumbles over their lines?  O well, people stumble over their words sometimes in reality, it happens.  The scene is too dark?  O well, sometimes rooms are dark.  It’s not that it’s an easy out, it’s just that there’s so much room to play.  All of this in Do Nice Guys Finish Last if it does make it in is intentional.  We wanted portions to have a little bit of boom mic in them just to cement the fact that the characters know that there are cameras and everything there.  It’s kind of weird placing these imperfections here and there, but it’s kind of fun at the same time.
I’ll keep you guys updated on the progress of it.  Right now, it’s looking pretty good.  We’ll probably have a final cut around next week.  Then we get in to the exciting world of color correction….. Yay.

So, the way this whole film festival thing works is that you sign up and pay the entry fee online.  They give you a confirmation number.  Then you ship them a copy of your short film on DVD or other format that they accept.  Printed on the DVD is the confirmation number that they gave you when you paid.  I have another DVD of Censored sitting around.  Should I send it to one more festival?  I’m still waiting to hear back from three others.  I was kind of hoping to spend money on Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  By the way Do Nice Guys Finish Last is going to be a pain in the ass to send out to festivals.  I was looking at some festivals the other day and for some reason I kept finding ones that had notes that said stuff like “We usually only accept films that would be considered PG-13.”  Do Nice Guys Finish Last is totally not PG-13.  I would say it’s probably R, if it’s anything.  It’s actually not that bad, there’s just a ton of bad language.  Really, there’s not that much bad language either.  There are a few f bombs here and there and one c bomb.  Censored I would say is PG-13.  It’s censored, that’s the whole point of it.  It looks like Do Nice Guys Finish Last might prove to be more difficult then I originally thought.  It’s an R rating and it’s going to run about 15 minutes long.  I’m sure I’ll find something though.  I’ll at least get it on IMDB.
I’m still really excited about the SoCal Film Festival.  There’s so much going on around it.  Apparently they are doing a few movie showings at the Huntington Beach Pier which is like 10 minutes from my house.  The fact that the festival is so close to me makes things much easier.  In the mean time though, I need to get to work on Project X.