John Q. Phats Entertainment

Stupid short film refuses to be finished.  Yes, we are still working on it.  No, I haven’t dropped off of the planet and I’m not dead.  We’ve been working on a new name for the company and a new logo.  It’s still in the early stages, but I think it looks pretty sharp.  No, I’m not just saying that because of our little argument over e-mail, Chris, you bastard.  I really do like the way it looks.
I really need to write something.  I want to rent an HD camera and experiment with it.  Even if I shoot something kind of lame, it would be fun to play with HD.  I’ll get right on that.  I’m also searching for a huge couch.  The biggest one I’ve found so far was 11.5 feet long.  That’s a huge fucking couch.  What the hell would you even use that for?  Seriously, think about that.  If you were on one side and another person was on the other, there would be roughly 9 feet between the two of you.  You could play a legitimate game of frisbee at that distance.  That’s about the size that I need though.  How do I get myself in to this shit?  How did I get to the point where I NEED an 11.5 foot couch?  O well, this is what keeps me going.  Keeps my imagination going.  I’m reading A TV Writers Workbook again.  Don’t get me wrong, that book is awesome, but sometimes it makes writing seem like such an intimidating task.  It usually explains its way out of it, but right in the middle of a chapter sometimes I’ll be thinking to myself “Shit!  I have no clue what I’m doing!”  I suppose that’s why you would read the book though.  So you know what to do to write a script. 
Quick list of what’s going on:
1. Still finishing Do Nice Guys Finish Last.
2. Looking for a giant couch.  Anyone know where I can find one?
3. Trying not to go insane.  

P.S. I’ve decided to curse on my blog now.  If Kevin Smith can get away with talking about selling tickets in an alley to pork his wife on Twitter, I can fucking curse.

I’m still figuring out this whole Twitter thing.  People that are really in to it put “twe” in front of almost everything they say.  For example their Twitter Friends become their “Twepole.”  First off, this is confusing and unnecessary.  Second of all, these people are Twetarted.  I think the whole concept of Twitter is kind of hilarious.  Nobody on the planet really needs to know what someone is doing that much.  Unless of course you’re a celebrity, then I absolutely want to know that you are “walking the dog” or “watching 24″ or “taking a shower.”  Louis C.K. (http://twitter.com/louis_ck) is one of my favorite comedians.  His one and only entry is “Sucking Dicks.”  He made this tweet roughly 3 months ago.  My response a month ago was “Wow, you’ve been sucking dicks for two months? That’s impressive.”  I also follow Kevin Smith on Twitter.  He usually talks about events that he’s attending or stuff that he’s working on.  I read his tweets, the only time I don’t is when he goes absolutely nuts and posts like 100 tweets in 10 minutes.  I’m not even sure how that’s possible, but whatever.  Occasionally, you’ll get something random.  For example today he mentioned how he was excited to get NHL10.  I am not going to lie, I so want to play him.  It’s a little tough to get through to him though.  I imagine since he has like over a million followers he probably got about 100,000 responses to that.  Overall Twitter is amusing.  I’m never really sure what to write though.  I try to keep it kind of general, that way I can let it sit there for like 3 days.  If you want to follow me, my web address is:
http://twitter.com/JohnQPhats
I’m pretty sure I’m going to head to the SoCal Film Festival tonight to watch some more short films.  Say hello if you happen to see me there. 
You can buy tickets here:
http://www.socalfilmfest.com/tickets.aspx
Censored is playing tomorrow at 7:20 in Program 10.

So, apparently I can see in to the future.  In my last post I talked about how great it would be to get in to the SoCal Film Festival.  Later that day, I got an acceptance E-Mail from the SoCal Film Festival.  I have freak luck like that sometimes.  Before shooting Nice Guys Finish Last, I needed a light kit.  The kit I wanted cost about $900.  As sort of a joke to my room mate I said
“I’m going to make $1100 today.”  
before I left the house.  So, I’m walking to the bank.  I decided to walk, for some reason.  I forget why.  I think because parking in my complex sucks and I already had a good spot.  So, I’m going to cross the street and the little blinky guy tells me it’s time to walk.  So I step in to the street and BAM it hits me!  Not an idea of how I’m going to make $1100, but a truck making a right turn.  I wasn’t really hurt, I was just shocked.  I was walking and then all of a sudden I was on the ground.  It sort of knocked me back and I fell back on to the sidewalk.  As I’m getting up, a guy is getting out of the truck with an “O shit” look on his face.  He comes running over to me and says
“O my God!  I’m sorry!  I’m Sorry!  I’m sorry!  Are you ok?!  O fuck!  I didn’t see you!  I’m so sorry!”
The guy was like physically shaking.  So I stand up and I’m a little confused.  I’m thinking to myself “What the hell just happened?  Who the hell is this guy?  What’s going on?” Finally, I put two and two together and realize what happened.  I tell the guy I’m ok and he’s still freaking out.  He looks back at his truck and back at me and says
“I’m so sorry!  You’re not going to call the cops are you?!  I can’t deal with the cops, my license is suspended because of a DUI!  Please don’t call the cops!”
I’m still a bit dazed, so I’m just kind of standing there confused.  Then he says
“Look, I get these settlement checks every month from a job injury I got 3 months ago.  I’ll sign the settlement check and give it to you.  Then we can both just walk away.  OK, sound good?”
Before I could say anything he was handing me the check and shaking my hand.  In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t have taken it if he had let me speak.  I had no injuries, it was a mistake, no big deal.  I checked later and there was literally, not a scratch on me.
I look down at the check as he drives off and it’s for $2253.43.  I figured somehow, the universe conspired to help me, so I donated $1153.43 to my sister for my niece, for a college fund or something. 
Weird, huh?  That’s sort of how I felt about The SoCal Film Festival post yesterday.  Maybe I should try that more often.
Man!  It sure would be great if Kevin Smith, David Fincher, Peter Jackson, Sam Rami, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez,  or Guillermo del Toro E-Mailed me and offered me a sweet ass paid internship!  Or if I got invied to help out on Dexter, my favorite show of all time!  You know what, I would settle for an E-Mail interview with Michael C. Hall or really anyone on that cast.
I think part of my success with film festivals has to do with how easy I make it for them.  First of all Censored is 3:30 seconds long.  I note that on the DVD I send out, along with the title, my name, what region DVD it is, what film festival it’s for, and the tracking number they give me when I pay online.  I also put another sticker on the back of the case with the title, my name, my phone number, and the tracking number again.  And I use very stylish Simpons stamps.  My goal is for them to take one look at the DVD and not have to do anything extra.  I want them to open the envelope, take one look at it, pop it in to the DVD player, and go.  No looking up information and no wondering what the DVD is, who made it, and why they have to watch it.  No extra steps.  Festivals can sometimes get thousands of DVD’s, why would you make it any more difficult for them?  You’re only asking for a rejection letter if you do. 
Wow, I went way off course.  I originally started this post to talk about the SoCal Film Festival.  I just mailed my screener copy to them.  According to my records, the festival takes place from 9/14/2009 – 9/23/2009.  I haven’t gotten the exact schedule or location yet, but I will be sure to let you guys know when I do.  I have a lot of friends in this area who couldn’t make it to the LA shows.  Which is totally understandable.  I’m one of the few insane OCers that thinks that LA “Isn’t that far.”  It will be nice to be so close to a festival for a change.  I’m really looking forward to it.
Here is the link to the festivals website and I hope some of you can make it:
SoCal Film Festival