John Q. Phats Entertainment

So, the way this whole film festival thing works is that you sign up and pay the entry fee online.  They give you a confirmation number.  Then you ship them a copy of your short film on DVD or other format that they accept.  Printed on the DVD is the confirmation number that they gave you when you paid.  I have another DVD of Censored sitting around.  Should I send it to one more festival?  I’m still waiting to hear back from three others.  I was kind of hoping to spend money on Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  By the way Do Nice Guys Finish Last is going to be a pain in the ass to send out to festivals.  I was looking at some festivals the other day and for some reason I kept finding ones that had notes that said stuff like “We usually only accept films that would be considered PG-13.”  Do Nice Guys Finish Last is totally not PG-13.  I would say it’s probably R, if it’s anything.  It’s actually not that bad, there’s just a ton of bad language.  Really, there’s not that much bad language either.  There are a few f bombs here and there and one c bomb.  Censored I would say is PG-13.  It’s censored, that’s the whole point of it.  It looks like Do Nice Guys Finish Last might prove to be more difficult then I originally thought.  It’s an R rating and it’s going to run about 15 minutes long.  I’m sure I’ll find something though.  I’ll at least get it on IMDB.
I’m still really excited about the SoCal Film Festival.  There’s so much going on around it.  Apparently they are doing a few movie showings at the Huntington Beach Pier which is like 10 minutes from my house.  The fact that the festival is so close to me makes things much easier.  In the mean time though, I need to get to work on Project X.

First off, I would like to apologize in advance for this one.  I went on sort of a Harry Potter binge this weekend and watched all five movies over the course of two days and my brain is a little scrambled.  I can’t believe that after five movies, Ron still hasn’t made a move on that Herminy (did I spell that right?  Don’t really care.) chick.  Christ man, what do you need, a written invitation?!  Also, there’s clearly not enough drug use for this to be a movie about a bunch of kids.  Although, I’m convinced that, the divination teacher has got to be on something.  I wonder if there’s a deleted scene where she’s smoking out Dumbledore?  In all seriousness though, for what they are, those movies are amazing.  They are all really well done.  Pretty much every aspect of those movies is at the very least, great.  Anyway, sorry again.
In my last post I talked about an old short film that I did titled The Wake Up.  It really got me thinking about my first short film, Firework De La Muerte.  What a pile of crap that short film was.  It was roughly an eight page script with the same joke told four times.  Really, the joke wasn’t funny the first time and it sure wasn’t funny the 4th time.  For that one we shot in a department store which shall remain nameless, without asking anyone.  We just sort of got somebody with a red shirt and went with it.  That was gorilla film making to the extreme.  To be honest, nobody really cared.  If I was an employee making minimum wage, I don’t think I would really care either.  I think the worst part about Firework De La Muerte is that when it was done, I thought it was great.  But then when other people watched it, they didn’t laugh.  At first I was in denial.  Like there was something wrong with everyone else.  Finally, I realized that it really did just suck something awful.  It was kind of a slap to the face.  But it was necessary.  I remember the first time I watched it, without my head up my ass.  I just sat there watching it in absolute shock at how bad it really was.  After watching it, I actually said out loud.
“O my God……  That sucked.”
There is no place to see Firework De La Muearte, nobody will ever see it.  It belongs in the depths of a hard drive, where nobody will ever find it.  I think I might of actually deleted it off of my external hard drive.  I do still have the prop firework though, made of cardboard, that egg crate stuff you put on a mattress, and duct tape.  The prop was actually kind of glorious, I have to say.  It was a giant somewhat rocket shape covered in duct tape.
While Firework De La Muearte is an awful short film, it really was something that I needed to do, to get where I am.  Now, Censored is playing in festivals all over the place, I’m close to finishing Do Nice Guys Finish Last, and I have a lot of big and exciting projects on the horizon.  This sort of leads in to my next topic.  I finished up fancy new laurels for Censored:
      

Technically, the SoCal Film festival hasn’t happened yet, but we have been selected.

You may have noticed by now, but I posted some out takes from the re shoot on Do Nice Guys Finish Last in the Shorts sections.  The Shorts section has now sort of become the Videos section.  Whatever works.  Really, who doesn’t like out takes?  One of my favorites ever is from a short film I did a long time ago called The Wake Up.  It was about two women who wake up in bed together.  One is straight and one is gay and they are both naked.  Of course I don’t show anything, but it’s implied.  Anyway, at one point both of the characters say “I’ve got a handcuff key in my bag” at the same time.  So, Kristen says it but the other actress, Jessica missed her line and didn’t say it.  Kristen without missing a beat says
“I’ve got a handcuff key in my bag and you didn’t say it, you God damned bitch!  I know you got one!”
I still have that footage somewhere.
The Wake Up isn’t posted here.  It’s not that I don’t like it.  It’s just that it was a very early short film in my film making “career.”  It was shot on a shitty little camcorder that I got on the Internet for like $200, the lighting, and color balance in each shot changes.  My directing skills weren’t quite there yet.  This was a really tough film for me.  I was a straight male writing about gay women.  I didn’t want to be offensive at all.  I wanted to tell a funny, kind of weird story.  Plus, finding actresses was tough.  It was a tough sell.
“Hey, I need you to appear to be naked, kiss another girl and fondle her a little bit.  Then I’m going to film it on a crappy little camcorder and possibly post it on the Internet.  O yeah, and I can’t pay you.”
After I did The Wake Up though, I realized that I could pull people together for anything.  The Wake Up has a lot of negatives, but there are some positives as well.  I think the beginning sequence is fantastic, some of the acting is great (I messed up directing wise a couple of times), and I actually really did like some of the cinematography.  I also think the story is pretty decent.  If I had written some better dialogue I think it would have been great.  This was only my second short film, so I think all is forgiven.  Here is the short film if you want to check out some of my early work.  You’ll also get a look at my very crappy 1st logo:
The Wake Up
Watching it again, I’ve actually changed quite a bit.  I wasn’t so biased about hand held camera work at the time and I actually kind of like it.  Maybe it will change my mind on how I feel about handheld stuff in the future.
 I started off talking about the out takes of Do Nice Guys Finish Last and ended up on a totally different topic all together.  That’s pretty typical for me.  Check out the Shorts section if you want to see the Do Nice Guys Finish Last out takes.

So, apparently I can see in to the future.  In my last post I talked about how great it would be to get in to the SoCal Film Festival.  Later that day, I got an acceptance E-Mail from the SoCal Film Festival.  I have freak luck like that sometimes.  Before shooting Nice Guys Finish Last, I needed a light kit.  The kit I wanted cost about $900.  As sort of a joke to my room mate I said
“I’m going to make $1100 today.”  
before I left the house.  So, I’m walking to the bank.  I decided to walk, for some reason.  I forget why.  I think because parking in my complex sucks and I already had a good spot.  So, I’m going to cross the street and the little blinky guy tells me it’s time to walk.  So I step in to the street and BAM it hits me!  Not an idea of how I’m going to make $1100, but a truck making a right turn.  I wasn’t really hurt, I was just shocked.  I was walking and then all of a sudden I was on the ground.  It sort of knocked me back and I fell back on to the sidewalk.  As I’m getting up, a guy is getting out of the truck with an “O shit” look on his face.  He comes running over to me and says
“O my God!  I’m sorry!  I’m Sorry!  I’m sorry!  Are you ok?!  O fuck!  I didn’t see you!  I’m so sorry!”
The guy was like physically shaking.  So I stand up and I’m a little confused.  I’m thinking to myself “What the hell just happened?  Who the hell is this guy?  What’s going on?” Finally, I put two and two together and realize what happened.  I tell the guy I’m ok and he’s still freaking out.  He looks back at his truck and back at me and says
“I’m so sorry!  You’re not going to call the cops are you?!  I can’t deal with the cops, my license is suspended because of a DUI!  Please don’t call the cops!”
I’m still a bit dazed, so I’m just kind of standing there confused.  Then he says
“Look, I get these settlement checks every month from a job injury I got 3 months ago.  I’ll sign the settlement check and give it to you.  Then we can both just walk away.  OK, sound good?”
Before I could say anything he was handing me the check and shaking my hand.  In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t have taken it if he had let me speak.  I had no injuries, it was a mistake, no big deal.  I checked later and there was literally, not a scratch on me.
I look down at the check as he drives off and it’s for $2253.43.  I figured somehow, the universe conspired to help me, so I donated $1153.43 to my sister for my niece, for a college fund or something. 
Weird, huh?  That’s sort of how I felt about The SoCal Film Festival post yesterday.  Maybe I should try that more often.
Man!  It sure would be great if Kevin Smith, David Fincher, Peter Jackson, Sam Rami, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez,  or Guillermo del Toro E-Mailed me and offered me a sweet ass paid internship!  Or if I got invied to help out on Dexter, my favorite show of all time!  You know what, I would settle for an E-Mail interview with Michael C. Hall or really anyone on that cast.
I think part of my success with film festivals has to do with how easy I make it for them.  First of all Censored is 3:30 seconds long.  I note that on the DVD I send out, along with the title, my name, what region DVD it is, what film festival it’s for, and the tracking number they give me when I pay online.  I also put another sticker on the back of the case with the title, my name, my phone number, and the tracking number again.  And I use very stylish Simpons stamps.  My goal is for them to take one look at the DVD and not have to do anything extra.  I want them to open the envelope, take one look at it, pop it in to the DVD player, and go.  No looking up information and no wondering what the DVD is, who made it, and why they have to watch it.  No extra steps.  Festivals can sometimes get thousands of DVD’s, why would you make it any more difficult for them?  You’re only asking for a rejection letter if you do. 
Wow, I went way off course.  I originally started this post to talk about the SoCal Film Festival.  I just mailed my screener copy to them.  According to my records, the festival takes place from 9/14/2009 – 9/23/2009.  I haven’t gotten the exact schedule or location yet, but I will be sure to let you guys know when I do.  I have a lot of friends in this area who couldn’t make it to the LA shows.  Which is totally understandable.  I’m one of the few insane OCers that thinks that LA “Isn’t that far.”  It will be nice to be so close to a festival for a change.  I’m really looking forward to it.
Here is the link to the festivals website and I hope some of you can make it:
SoCal Film Festival 

I watched 2 episodes of Science of the Movies last night.  That show is a big reminder of what I don’t have access to.  One episode was all about different moveable camera mounts.  There was this gigantic camera mount that had 12 points of axis that you could program to do motions over and over again.  It’s basically so you can layer two shots on top of each other.  Since the motion of two shots match perfectly, the two shots together look seamless.  I honestly had no clue that’s how it was done.  All of my split screen shorts were pretty much that, minus the motion.  I didn’t realize it, but I kind of stumbled on the early meathod of special effects.  That’s kind of cool.  I find that I do that a lot actually.  It’s kind of weird.  I don’t know if I hear about it somewhere else and subconsciously make myself feel like I thought of it, or if I really do come up with concepts that just happen to match what’s already out there. 
I am meeting with a script writer today to discuss Project X.  By spreading the word through my contacts, I’ve actually got some people interested.  Now all I need is a roughly $5000, an HD Camera, locations, equipment, skill, and food.  Huh.  Anyway, yeah, I’m going to be focusing on that.  It’s tough to juggle everything though.  Nice Guys Finish Last is almost done.  That’s going to need to go out to festivals and Censored is still going.  By the way, I submitted to something a while back called the SoCal Film Festival.  I really hope I get accepted to that.  That would be awesome.  Mainly because they would be holding it right near my house.  I could probably go to every night of that if I wanted to.  It’s literally a 10 minute drive vs an hour+ drive to the festivals Censored has been accepted to.  I would really like Censored to screen somewhere outside of California.  Don’t ask me why, I just think it would be cool.   Every time you get accepted to a festival they send you these little acceptance things:

Like that guy right there.  I suppose can put those on the DVD’s that I send out to other festivals as sort of a selling point.  Imagine if I get selected for all 4 of the other festivals I entered?  That will be 7 total.  That will look kind of insane.  You also get one if you’ve been nominated for or win an award at a festival.  Strictly Background had like a bajillion acceptance ones and 6 Best Documentary Award winners.  These things are actually called Laurels.  Every festival does them.  At least as far as I can tell, every festival does one.  I think they are kind of official and regal looking.  It’s kind of neat to have these.  Sort of like a digital trophy.  Hopefully when Nice Guys Finish Last is done it gets it’s own collection of them.

EDIT(7/29/2009- 3:32PM) – I just got an acceptance E-mail from the SoCal Film Festival.  That kicks so much ass.  I’ll give you guys all the details in tomorrows post.

Is anyone planning on going to the AOF ?  I think I’m going to check it out tonight.  I’m not sure what I’m going to see, but I’ll see something.  The first night I went we got a huge bag of SWAG.  Everyone loves SWAG.  Lets face it, if it’s free, someone will take it.  There’s a sign near my house advertising free dirt.  Anyway, the SWAG was mainly postcards of other short films.  There was a ton of them.  In the mix was also a DVD for a movie called Long Pig: Unrated Extreme Edition.  I’m going to take a guess here and say that it’s probably amazingly gory.  An independent film that’s unrated.  O yeah, there’s going to be some crazy gore in it.  I’ve seen some pretty intense stuff.  I really feel like, if I can watch Irreversible, I can probably make it through anything.  It’s not that Irreversible was gory, it was just hard to watch because of the context of it.  That movie was unrelentingly brutal.  I’m reading reviews of Long Pigs now.  Apparently, there’s an “anus scene.”  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  Revolted and curious at the same time I suppose.  I’m not much of a horror buff, but maybe I’ll check it out.  Or I’ll give it to my neighbor to check out.  He loves gory films. 
Gabe should be bringing my hard drive tonight with the scene we shot last Thursday for Nice Guys Finish Last added.  I really wanted Nice Guys Finish Last to be under 15 minutes.  I bet it’s probably going to run a little over 16 minutes.  Which isn’t bad.  If there’s no fat and every scene progresses the story line, I have no problem with that.  I suppose it is what it is.
I’m looking in to renting a theater to show Nice Guys Finish Last.  I thought it would be cool to have a sort of theater showing and get some feedback before I send it off to festivals.  I found one for $650 for one night.  If I charged $10 per person, I would have to have at least 65 people show up to break even.  I know, that I know that many people but weather they would be available or not is a whole different story.  I found another one that rents by the week and that was $1000 for 4 shows.  So, I would need to get 100 people there from Thursday- Sunday.  That’s actually not that bad.  I bet I could pull that off.  O wait, that’s just for a stage, not a screen and all that other crap.  Damn.  I bet I could get a projector though and rig something up.  In fact, I know a guy that has a projector and Gabe is in a band.  Bands have speakers and stuff, right?  I’ll have to get back to you on this one.  Or maybe I can have the actors act it out in real time on stage.  Wow, that’s a terrible idea.

Censored played at the Action on Film Festival on Sunday (7/26/2009).  It was a lot of fun.  I got a goody bag filled with stuff.  They invited film makers to come up for a Q and A after the screening.  I went up and said
“If anyone has anything negative to say, I’m totally open to hear it.  Hearing what’s wrong with it is the only way I’m going to make a better film.  So, hit me.”
Too negative?  I didn’t get any negative comments, they were all very nice.  How did you think of that?  What did you shoot it on?  Will the DVD release be uncensored?  I enjoyed it a lot.  It kind of made me feel like a big shot.  I don’t know why, but sometimes, when I’m in the right mood, I love talking in front of a crowd.  I wasn’t nervous at all. 
During the showing, there wasn’t much laughter.  At first I started to feel badly about it, but everyone in the end clapped and one of the other film makers even told me it was great.  Maybe I misjudged Censored.  I really did think it was a laugh out loud comedy.  perhaps it’s not.  Maybe it’s one of those things that’s just kind of clever and entertaining.  I’m totally fine with that.  As long as people enjoy it.  It got a good applause at the end and like I said, nobody told me it was a God awful piece of crap or anything.  Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but I almost want someone to stand up one day and say
“That was the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen in my entire life.  You should die.” 
My response would probably be a raise of my eyebrows and a
“Wow, ok, thank you….I guess.”
Overall, I felt a little outclassed to be honest.  One of the film makers said that the budget for their film was $5000.  Censored cost me like $50 to make.  I have to say, the other shorts that showed, looked amazing.  Wilcox Sex Therapy had some nice lighting and cinematography and it was hysterical.  The actor (David Brainard) who played the sex therapist nailed it.  I actually went up to the director of Wilcox Sex Therapy, Daniel Gruen and told him that it was a great film.  It was very well done.  There was another film called The Condom Killer, that was stylized like a 1950’s detective story.  I thought it was awesome that they pulled it off.  It looked really good.  Despite feeling outclassed a bit by the other films, I had a great time.  I’m really glad they did a Q and A at the end.  That was really nice.
As for Nice Guys Finish Last, I’m really looking forward to seeing it with the new scene we shot last Thursday.  Once I get my hard drive back from Gabe, I’ll see about posting some of the out takes.
In a totally unrelated note, according to my home phones caller ID, The Staples Center called at random times in the night and left me 9 messages of a fax machine beeping.  The last one I answered this morning at like 6AM.  I know I’m a Ducks fan, but Jesus Staples Center, what the hell is your problem?

So, the Action on Film Festival is happening this Sunday in Pasadena.  Where my film is being shown?  No clue.  The schedule says Academy 2 but I have no clue what that means.  They really aren’t making this easy.  Clicking on the schedule link on the web site leads you to a page with links for 2006 and 2007 schedules.  The 2009 schedule is available in PDF format here:
Action on Film Schedule
As you can see Censored is playing in the 4PM block.  What that means, I have no idea.  I guess it’s playing sometime around 4PM.  I have no clue what’s playing with my short film.  You can buy tickets here:
Action on Film Festival Tickets- Single Program Pass
Near the bottom of that page it says
“When you make your purchase be sure to write the name of the film you are coming to see in the memo portion of the confirmation form.”
So, I guess write “Censored” in the memo portion of the confirmation form.  I have to be honest, the web site looks kind of shady and doesn’t really seem like it’s working as it should.  E-Mail me if you want to attend and I’ll do my best to walk you through it.
I think by Academy 2 they mean The Regency Academy Theaters.  Just a guess though.

I need money to make my new short film.  Plain and simple.  In the past I’ve resorted to selling my personal belongings.  I sold a couple old cameras, video games, furniture, computers, really whatever I could get my hands on.  I think I can make my new project for roughly $2000.  Things I haven’t tried yet are selling sperm and blood.  I should try to sell some blood, I have O-, which everyone can take.  Obviously, God wanted me to sell blood, so I can make this short film.  I’ll have to look in to that.  I’m not sure how I feel about donating sperm.  I would feel really sorry for the woman who gets that sperm.  It would almost be like playing a really cruel joke on someone.  I think one of me is enough.
I’ve been reading this new book called How Not to Make a Short Film by Roberta Marie Munroe.  She’s done just about everything on a short film and used to be a programmer for Sundance.  Needless to say, her advice is valuable.  She’s already listed a couple things that I’m guilty of.  For one, when submitting your short film to festivals, don’t put your companies logo in the front of it.  Nobody has heard of your company and furthermore, nobody cares what the name of it is.  I’m totally guilty of this.  There are a couple things in the book that I don’t agree with though.  In one section there are different budget brackets.  The first bracket is $11,000.  That’s the first bracket.  They slowly ascend to $75,000.  Basically what that tells me is that according to this book, you can’t make a decent short film for under $11,000.  It lists all of the equipment and crew you need.  I totally and completely disagree with that.  $11,000 for a short film is bloated to me to say the least.  Robert Rodriguez shot El Mariachi for $7000 and most of that budget was spent on the camera.  And that was an 80+ minute long movie.  The example the book uses is a 15 page short film.  And it’s using the time frame of a 2 day weekend shoot.  Maybe I missed something in the interpretation, but that’s what I’m getting out of it.  Later on in the chapter there is an interview with a film maker who made a successfull short film for roughly $4500.  One of the things listed in the $11,000 budget is a continental breakfast for a 35 person crew.  Go to the supermarket, buy some fruit, get some yogurt, granola,  some bread to toast, little orange juice, some bagels, put someone who will work for free on food prep duty, and there’s your continental breakfast.  Better yet, go to Togo’s and order a sand which platter, they’re like $40, I do it all the time.  Also, 35 person crew?!  Are you serious?  That seems bloated to say the least.  I shot Censored with an 8 person crew and I had no clue what I was doing and that seemed bloated and that’s been accepted to festivals.  I shot Nice Guys Finish Last most of the time with a 4 person crew.  I shot Say Something with a 5 person crew and it cost me like $100, if even that.  That was an 8 minute long short film that all of my teachers(who were industry professionals) thought was great.  Maybe I’m just not at the level she’s at yet, but Jesus Christ.  If Robert Rodriguez can make a good movie for $7000, I can make a 15 minute short film for way under $11,000.  I think, anyone can shoot anything they want for free, they just have to know the right people and make the right moves.  Don’t get me wrong, Roberta Marie Munroe is a smart lady and she wrote a great book.  I would recommend How Not To Make a Short Film to anyone.  It’s got some good stuff in it, I just can’t agree with that one point.
On to my next order of business.  Is anyone in the market for blood and/or sperm?  I’m selling.

So, I got an e-mail from the Action on Film Film Festival going over all of the nominations for the various awards they are giving out.  I swear to God, there has got to be like 50 awards.  Each award has 5 nominations.  I have no clue how many short films they are showing, but I guess it’s a lot.  So, I’m looking for Censored on one of these lists and don’t see it.  Not one.  I did feel better though when I realized that it’s mainly like 10 or 15 short films listed 5 times for each award.  I suppose that makes sense when you really think about it.  If a short film is nominated for best picture, I imagine it did a lot of things right, so I suppose it’s not weird to see it listed as a best actress nomination and best cinematography.  It makes sense.  If there was a category for “Best Short Film with a Censorship Bar” I would have nailed that shit.  That must have been a nightmare figuring all of that out.  I’ve come to the realization that Censored isn’t an award winner.  I came to this realization when it played at the LA United Film Festival.  It had a couple parts that got a good laugh out of the audience but I know I can do better then that.  There’s a lot that could have been improved.  The lighting could have been better and I was still trying to figure out the boom mic when I shot it.  So the sound quality isn’t really all that great.  At one point, I thought Censored was brilliant.  I still think the concept is strong, but I probably could have executed it a little better.  O well, on to bigger and better things.  Maybe Nice Guys Finish Last will be an award winning film.  If not Nice Guys Finish Last, then maybe the next one.