John Q. Phats Entertainment

Alright, here’s the deal. I don’t really like writing reviews. But just because I hate the first and second paragraph. The first paragraph is almost always the credits of the film only typed out all fancy like. If you want that shit, go to IMDB. I also don’t like the description of the story. It never does the film justice and frankly, I find it fucking boring to write. If I want to know the story of the movie, I’ll go to see it. So, I’m cutting out all that fluff bullshit and writing a review how I want to.
I would first like to talk about a trailer I saw before the movie started called Let Me In.  This film is a remake of Let the Right One In.  A Swedish film made in 2008. I’m not really sure what to think of this. Let the Right One In is probably one of the best vampire films I’ve ever seen. Part of me wants to yell “what the fuck?!” and another part of me is curious. It could be good….. Right? Just in case it’s bad, I would recommend that you see the original, Let the Right One In, before Let Me In comes out. Hopefully, the new one is just as good as the original. You can rent the original from Blockbuster Online or Netflix. I have to say, the previews look surprisingly similar to the original, which is a good sign.

 
There was another review of a romantic comedy and some other bullshit.  I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention. So, on to Machete.
“I’m willing to bet that at least three limbs get chopped off and probably a head or two.”
-Carl (www.jqpentertainment.com)
Little did I know that this criteria would be fulfilled before the opening credits of the movie. Machete crashes a car into a house, fucks up like 10 people and then proceeds to walk out of the house carrying a naked broad. I’m serious. Apparently something that awesome can exist. Keep in mind that this all happens before the title even comes on screen. Machete, you had me at the first beheading. The movie is filled with good old fashioned, over the top action just like this. People die, things explode, and gun shots leave absurdly large sprays of blood on walls. Like it should be. By the way, I think Machete bangs every hot girl in this movie at some point. Of course, they didn’t show him banging any extras, but come on people, they only have 2 hours. Don’t go into it trying to take it seriously.  This movie is purposely absurd. But, that’s kind of the point. Danny Trejo is the man in this movie. Steven Segal is awesome. This entire movie is awesome. 
In closing, Machete is exactly what it looks like. A homage to the glory days of action flicks and just a blast. 

“They FUCKED with the wrong MEXICAN”
Even the poster rules.
P.S. At the end of the movie there’s a small old time ad talking about two sequels.  Please God, let this be a trilogy.

Machete comes out this weekend. It’s good to see that the Tarantino’s and Rodriguez’s have found a pretty legitimate market for their “over the top” brand of action flicks. Inglorious Bastards was amazing, plain and simple. I was thrilled to see it included in the Academy Awards for a best picture nomination. Even if there were like twenty nominations that year it’s still nice to see that this type of film has a pretty respected place in Hollywood. For those of you that don’t remember, Machete started out as a fake trailer at the beginning of Grindhouse. Watching it, I laughed, but I also leaned over to my friend and said
“That looks like a bad ass movie.”
I’m still kind of shocked that something that borders on ridicules holds its own so well. I along with just about everyone that I know is excited about this movie. You’re not supposed to take it seriously, nobody is. Who could take a man strapping a machine gun to the front of a motorcycle and jumping through the air firing it like a mad man seriously?  But that’s the fun of it. It doesn’t have to be, it just has to be cool. Motorcycles are cool and machine guns are cool. So, you combine the two and get something fucking awesome. To top it off, you arm an absolute bad ass of epic proportions with a billion machetes and set him loose on a bunch of bad guys. I’m willing to bet that at least three limbs get chopped off and probably a head or two.    
Movies like Machete and Grindhouse are a reminder that Red hood has a place in this world.  Red Hood isn’t realistic and at times it’s pretty ridicules.
I probably won’t get much writing done this weekend as I don’t have access to a computer that has Final Draft on it. It will give me a chance to think about what I’m going to write next and a chance to reflect what I’ve written so far.
I’m probably going to check out Machete either tonight or tomorrow.  I’ll let you guys know how it is. My prediction:
“Fucking awesome.”