John Q. Phats Entertainment

We’re done cutting Do Nice Guys Finish Last.  Now it’s on to working out all of the little kinks.  Color correction, audio adjustments, and transitions.  It feel like an accomplishment to have cut it.  It’s come a long way.  From 18 minutes to just under 15.  Me and Chris talked about it this weekend and we’re not expecting it to get in to any festivals.  I think we established that from the beginning though.  It doesn’t make it a bad short film.  I think it’s a great short film.  I should say, it’s going to be a great short film.  There’s still a lot to work on.  I still am very surprised by how much you can get away with in the mockumentary format.  You don’t need a tripod, it doesn’t matter if there are mistakes here and there, and actors can stumble over their lines and get away with it.  It’s a fun format, but I think I’m going to be moving on to the next thing now.  I don’t see another mockumentary in my near future.  Although, it has changed my opinion on hand held camera work.  Even though we didn’t use a tripod we still got some really nice cinematography.  Maybe I’ll open up and use it in my next short film.  My main problem with it was that in short films it became a “style.”  I’ve heard film makers asked why they went hand held on their entire short film and they would say “That’s just my style.”  No, that isn’t you’re style.  %90 of the time it’s because they were either too lazy or low on cash to use a tripod.  I’m totally cool with both of those excuses.  But to cover it up with this rouse of “That’s just my style” is pretty lame.  Call it what it is.  I know low budget films don’t have access to fancy dollies or equipment.  But there are ways around that.  I feel like I’ve put cameras on everything.  Wheel chairs, roller blades, office chairs, at least 3 different home made dollys, carts, ect…  Whatever works.  Am I total hypocrite for shooting Do Nice Guys Finish Last all in hand held?  Probably, but that was my style, so piss off.  In actuality, I wanted to shoot all in hand held, I chose to shoot all in hand held, and I left my very awesome tripod at home on purpose.  Do Nice Guys Finish Last is a mockumentary, which means that it’s essentially a fake documentary.  In this case, I felt like hand held was necessary.  I really tried to think of how an amateur documentary film maker would film something like this and that’s why I chose to go all hand held.  Basically, I was trying to mimic the style of someone who didn’t know what they were doing.  Which actually was a lot of fun.  Kind of like when we built the murder chair for Red Hood.  That was a blast.  We built the entire thing out of wooden pallets.  What was awesome about it was that we got to put our selves in the place of how the main character would build something like this.  It was a total hack and slash job.  When something wasn’t holding we either attached another piece of wood to it with about 6 screws or we just tore it off and started again.  We figured the main character wasn’t a carpenter and she didn’t need it to look pretty.  It was purely functional.  I actually have a picture of it:

It’s not pretty, but it’s functional.  You can sit in it, it will support your weight, but it’s absolutely not comfortable.  This was a chair that the main character used to torture people in, so none of that really mattered.
I kind of strayed from my original point, but whatever.  My point is that sometimes bad camera work or shady craftsmanship is called for in a film.  As long as the audience knows it’s intentional.  With hand held, it’s very difficult to make it look like it was necessary and very easy to make it look like you as a film maker were just lazy.  That’s not to say that I haven’t seen films that were well done all in hand held.  I just feel like that “style” is extremely over used because it’s an easy out.
I saw two movies this week.  District 9 and Ponyo.  I’ll start off with Ponyo.  Ponyo is an anime movie by Studio Ghibli.  A guy named Hayao Miyazaki did Ponyo and he has somewhat of a cult following.  In fact Studio Ghibli itself has somewhat of a cult following.  I went in to the theater not knowing anything about the movie.  All I knew is that my girlfriend really wanted to see it.  I’ve only seen one other anime by Hayao Miyazaki and that was My Neighbor Totoro.  My Neighbor Totoro was an acid trip.  Much like Ponyo, only Ponyo seemed to be catered more for children.  I suppose My Neighbor Totoro was for kids too, but for some reason it seemed darker.  I’m not even going to begin to try and explain the story line to Ponyo.  You probably wouldn’t believe me anyway, if I did.  It’s just one of those things you have to see.  I thought it was great.  If I was a parent, I would roll up a joint, smoke it in the mini van on the way to the theater, buy three packages of milk duds in the lobby, and go away to the land of Ponyo for 4+ hours.  The movie is only 2 hours long but I would be sitting in the theater after the credits rolled either asleep or absolutely out of my freaking mind based on what I had just seen.  It’s probably a good thing I’m not a parent.  Awesome visuals in Ponyo and a story line that made me say out loud “Who the hell thinks of that?”  It’s incredibly imaginative and unique.  But you don’t need to be high to enjoy it.  I enjoyed it and I wasn’t high at all.  If I was high though it probably would have been a life changing experience.  Just know what you’re getting in to.  It’s an anime catered towards children, that’s an acid trip.
District 9 was absolutely awesome.  I loved that freaking movie.  I am totally going to see that in theaters again.  I’m a sucker for the horror sci fi genre, so maybe I can’t give the same opinion as the everyday movie watcher, but I thought it was great.  I was entertained throughout that entire movie.  The actors were all phenomenal in it, the cinematography was great, the special effects were awesome, the story line had me hooked from the very beginning, and the characters development throughout the story was amazing.  If you’re in to this sort of movie, go see it, it’s awesome.

So, apparently I can see in to the future.  In my last post I talked about how great it would be to get in to the SoCal Film Festival.  Later that day, I got an acceptance E-Mail from the SoCal Film Festival.  I have freak luck like that sometimes.  Before shooting Nice Guys Finish Last, I needed a light kit.  The kit I wanted cost about $900.  As sort of a joke to my room mate I said
“I’m going to make $1100 today.”  
before I left the house.  So, I’m walking to the bank.  I decided to walk, for some reason.  I forget why.  I think because parking in my complex sucks and I already had a good spot.  So, I’m going to cross the street and the little blinky guy tells me it’s time to walk.  So I step in to the street and BAM it hits me!  Not an idea of how I’m going to make $1100, but a truck making a right turn.  I wasn’t really hurt, I was just shocked.  I was walking and then all of a sudden I was on the ground.  It sort of knocked me back and I fell back on to the sidewalk.  As I’m getting up, a guy is getting out of the truck with an “O shit” look on his face.  He comes running over to me and says
“O my God!  I’m sorry!  I’m Sorry!  I’m sorry!  Are you ok?!  O fuck!  I didn’t see you!  I’m so sorry!”
The guy was like physically shaking.  So I stand up and I’m a little confused.  I’m thinking to myself “What the hell just happened?  Who the hell is this guy?  What’s going on?” Finally, I put two and two together and realize what happened.  I tell the guy I’m ok and he’s still freaking out.  He looks back at his truck and back at me and says
“I’m so sorry!  You’re not going to call the cops are you?!  I can’t deal with the cops, my license is suspended because of a DUI!  Please don’t call the cops!”
I’m still a bit dazed, so I’m just kind of standing there confused.  Then he says
“Look, I get these settlement checks every month from a job injury I got 3 months ago.  I’ll sign the settlement check and give it to you.  Then we can both just walk away.  OK, sound good?”
Before I could say anything he was handing me the check and shaking my hand.  In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t have taken it if he had let me speak.  I had no injuries, it was a mistake, no big deal.  I checked later and there was literally, not a scratch on me.
I look down at the check as he drives off and it’s for $2253.43.  I figured somehow, the universe conspired to help me, so I donated $1153.43 to my sister for my niece, for a college fund or something. 
Weird, huh?  That’s sort of how I felt about The SoCal Film Festival post yesterday.  Maybe I should try that more often.
Man!  It sure would be great if Kevin Smith, David Fincher, Peter Jackson, Sam Rami, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez,  or Guillermo del Toro E-Mailed me and offered me a sweet ass paid internship!  Or if I got invied to help out on Dexter, my favorite show of all time!  You know what, I would settle for an E-Mail interview with Michael C. Hall or really anyone on that cast.
I think part of my success with film festivals has to do with how easy I make it for them.  First of all Censored is 3:30 seconds long.  I note that on the DVD I send out, along with the title, my name, what region DVD it is, what film festival it’s for, and the tracking number they give me when I pay online.  I also put another sticker on the back of the case with the title, my name, my phone number, and the tracking number again.  And I use very stylish Simpons stamps.  My goal is for them to take one look at the DVD and not have to do anything extra.  I want them to open the envelope, take one look at it, pop it in to the DVD player, and go.  No looking up information and no wondering what the DVD is, who made it, and why they have to watch it.  No extra steps.  Festivals can sometimes get thousands of DVD’s, why would you make it any more difficult for them?  You’re only asking for a rejection letter if you do. 
Wow, I went way off course.  I originally started this post to talk about the SoCal Film Festival.  I just mailed my screener copy to them.  According to my records, the festival takes place from 9/14/2009 – 9/23/2009.  I haven’t gotten the exact schedule or location yet, but I will be sure to let you guys know when I do.  I have a lot of friends in this area who couldn’t make it to the LA shows.  Which is totally understandable.  I’m one of the few insane OCers that thinks that LA “Isn’t that far.”  It will be nice to be so close to a festival for a change.  I’m really looking forward to it.
Here is the link to the festivals website and I hope some of you can make it:
SoCal Film Festival 

I just got done watching Heckler.  It’s a documentary starring Jamie Kennedy about hecklers and movie critics.  It talks a lot about how critics have started to make their reviews more of personal attacks on the people involved in making the movie rather then an actual review of the film itself.  It was a pretty good documentary.  I thought it brought up some good points.  A lot of the times, critics do write reviews of shear hatred for the film makers and actors just because they are trying to be funny.  It’s funny at the expense of others though.  While they are pretty harsh, I have to say, for the amount of money that actors get paid, you could say what ever the fuck you want about me.  You could say I should die or get cancer, or that I’m gay.  For that much money not only could you say I’m gay, but I would go in the back and prove it to you.  Anyway, I understand that it’s all relative.  Just because I think a movie sucks, doesn’t mean other people should share my same opinion.  Other people might enjoy it and I’m totally fine with that.  I don’t think you’re an idiot if you liked something that I didn’t.  In fact some people think I’m crazy because I actually really do enjoy bad movies.  If I enjoy them, they’ve served their purpose for me.  A movie is made to entertain and that’s what these have done for me.  So, here’s a list of bad movies that I have enjoyed:

Norbit- I can’t explain it but I laugh harder every time I watch this movie.  I’ve seen it on the movie channels like 30 times.  It’s Eddie Murphy for Christs sake, he’s funny as hell.  If laughing at a fat, stereotyped black woman is wrong, I don’t want to be right.  Me and a guy at work every once in awhile will say “You wanna see a bitch go down a slide?!  I’ll show you how a bitch go down a slide!”
House of the Dead- While Uwe Boll can be an asshole sometimes, I’ve recently come to realize that I have to respect the guy.  He’s probably the most hated director/film maker ever.  Type his name in to google and you’ll come up with endless pages all filled with hatred.  His movies have lost a total of 93 million dollars.  I think everything he’s made has been on the IMDB bottom 100 list at some point.  People have started a petition to try and get him to stop making movies.  But still, he plugs on and keeps coming out with stuff.  This man must have balls made of kryptonite that are coated with adamantium (O yes, I went there).  I have to respect his willingness and determination to go on.  The guy likes making movies, so that’s what he does.  Good for him.  House of the Dead is the first Uwe Boll movie that I saw.  Flipping through the channels one night I saw “House of the Dead” and thought to myself “They made a movie off of that game?  Jesus Christ, the game wasn’t even that good.”    Yes, the movie is based off of the popular arcade game.  The next hour and a half of my life was spent wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes and saying “what the fuck?” whenever I could catch my breath as I watched it.  The next month of my life I probably watched it 20 or so times, because I kept having to show it to friends.  Every time I watched it, it just kept getting funnier.  I want to buy it on BluRay, just to brag that I have it.
Over The Top- Sylvester Stallone is a truck driver that enters an arm wrestling tournament to win a truck.  I’m serious.
Death Bed, The Bed That Eats- I think the title says it all.  It’s about a bed that eats….  People mostly.  I first heard about this movie while listening to one of Patton Oswalt’s stand up acts.  When I heard the title, I thought to myself “There’s no way in hell that’s a real movie.”  It is and it will change your life.
Zombie Nation- I’m still trying to figure out why there is a giant, oversized, gong in the police station.  Do the cops bang on it when ever they book someone?  What the fuck?  This movie is written and directed by a guy named Ulli Lommel.  If you can make it through 3 of his movies straight without laughing or vomiting I’ll give you a dollar.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter- The thing that makes this movie so awesome is that it knows that it’s absolutely absurd.  It makes fun of itself and it works.  I was extremely entertained while watching this movie.  It’s exactly what it sounds like.  Jesus Christ comes back to fight vampires.  He has an assistant who’s a big fat Mexican wrestler (mask and all) named El Santos.  Again, I’m serious.
Subliminal Seduction- You remember Ian Ziering?  From 90210?  Good.  You know what a soft core porno is?
Death to Smoochy- I don’t care what anyone says, this movie is fucking genius.  A lot of people probably wouldn’t agree with this being labeled a “bad” movie, but I’ve heard a lot of people shit on it.  I think it’s a great flick.  I laugh my ass off when ever Robin Williams is on screen and I thought Edward Norton pulled it off.
Snakes on a Plane- This one is pretty obvious.  I really only mentioned it because the web site for this movie was amazing.  You could put in your friends names and numbers and a recording of Samuel L. Jackson would call them and tell them they need to see the movie.  I think it’s boarder line illegal, but whatever.  I spent like 3 hours on the site putting all of my friends numbers in to it.  Then I would giggle like a school girl at the thought of Samuel L. Jackson calling them. 
Blankman- When Damon Wayans screams like that I get a little turned on.
Senseless- I’m starting a Wayans brothers theme here.  Marlon Wayans is hysterical in this movie.  Plus Rip Torn is in this movie and he’s the epitome of awesome.
Freddy Got Fingered- Again, Rip Torn.  He can do no wrong.  He’s acted in over 170 movies and I’m sure they are all amazing solely because of him.  I still crack up laughing when Tom Greene cracks that chick in the wheel chair in the face with the stick.
Killer Clowns From Outer Space- Of course aliens look like clowns.  Why wouldn’t they?
Bad Taste- Peter Jackson did some pretty crazy movies before Lord of the Rings.  Bad Taste is one of them.  At one point a bunch of aliens throw up in to a bowl and make some guy eat it.  They really should have put a scene like that in Lord of the Rings.
Braindead- Another Peter Jackson movie.  The lead character at one point makes probably the greatest decision in movie making history.  He decides that he is going to kill zombies…..  with a lawn mower.  He starts the lawn mower, picks it up, runs around, and grinds zombies in to hamburger meat.  I actually yelled out “now that’s awesome!” when I saw that scene.  How in the hell did nobody think of this concept before this movie?  God bless you Peter Jackson.
The Cable Guy- Actually refferenced in The Simpsons as “That awful script that almost ruined Jim Carey’s career.”  I thought it was funny though.

I could go on and on, but I’m going to stop here.  Regardless of the label of “bad movie” I’ve enjoyed all of these.  How good a movie is, is all relative to the viewer.  Personal attacks on the film maker and actors involved is vicious for the sake of trying to be funny.  It’s not necessary.  This is something that a lot of people have spent a lot of time and money on, I can understand them taking these attacks personally.  On the same note though, film makers and actors can’t take reviews so personally.  I make ultra low budget short films, I’ve been told that they suck before.  I’ll probably make several more that people will tell me suck in the future.  But who cares?  I made them and regardless of how many people hate them, I’m proud of them and if you don’t like it, don’t watch it.  The other side of that?  If I couldn’t take that criticism, I wouldn’t make them and post them for the public to see.