John Q. Phats Entertainment

So, I saw the new Transformers movie last night.  It was ok.  Nothing life changing, but I was entertained.  I went in wanting to see big robots beating the crap out of each other, Megan Fox in sexy posses, and some good special effects and that’s what I got.  I’m happy.  The special effects in that movie were insanely awesome, as expected.  Good special effects, robots beating each other up, Megan Fox, it worked.  I hate when people see a movie like Transformers and review it badly because there were parts that weren’t realistic.  Look, you’re going to see a movie about robots kicking the crap out of each other, maybe, just maybe, ALL the rules of reality, don’t apply here.  I’m just saying, pointing out tiny little flaws in realism is kind of pointless when you’re watching a movie about robots that fight each other.  To me, it’s the same as pointing out realism flaws in a Road Runner and Coyote cartoon.  However, I’ll give you a realism flaw.  Any guy, before going off to college, leaving Megan Fox behind would have banged her like a drum if she were their girlfriend.  LaBeouf just makes out with her in front of his parents.  Kind of kinky, but not at all what would have happened.  Anyway, I liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  Here’s a little useless movie knowledge.  Sometime in the middle of shooting, Shia LaBeouf was in a car accident and injured his hand.  They wrote the bandage that he had to have wrapped around his hand in to the script so that it was explained for the rest of the movie. 
Before the movie they showed this commercial thing with Michael Bay in it where he says “I consider myself an old time film maker.”  I’m sorry, what?  There were scenes in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen where one frame of special effects took 5 days to render.  Sorry Michael Bay, But I’m going to have to disagree with you on that one.  Everyone knows that a Michael Bay film is going to be packed with special effects, that’s partially why I go to see it.  I know I’m going to get a solid action film with lots of explosions.  Directing actors wise, I think Michael Bay is actually pretty good.  He gets good performances. In fact would call him a good director.  I haven’t seen a movie of his yet that hasn’t been somewhat entertaining. 
All of that aside, the new project is starting to move.  I can’t really discuss what it is exactly, but I’m going to sit down tonight and jot down some ideas.  I decided to let someone produce this one.  I’ve never really worked with a producer before, so we’ll see how this goes.  I’m kind of a control freak, but I think I can make it work.  For this project, everyone needs to focus on what they do.  The actors need to act, the director (me) needs to direct, the producer needs to produce, and the cinematographer needs to…..cinematog?  Everyone needs to focus on what their job is.  I can’t produce this myself and I can’t have actors running around worrying about camera angles and what not.  This is a big project and everyone will need to be razor sharp.

We shot the restaurant scenes for Nice Guys Finish Last and here’s what I have to say about that:
Thank fucking Christ they are done. 
There was so much prep work, planning, and organization involved and just about everything went wrong up to the point of the shoot.  Here’s a list of mishaps:
1. The first time I was supposed to shoot it, I fucked up and forgot to call people…..  By people, I mean everyone.  Opps.
2.  The second time we were supposed to film it, the owner of the restaurant was going out of town for something.  It turned out that we could still use it after all, so it worked out.
3. Extras cancelled on me, either three hours before the shoot or the night before.  One persons excuse was that the gas would cost too much.  Gabe says for this reason, I should start a black list, then when I’m famous and they call me to see if they can come to my release party, I can open up my black book and say “Say, you remember that time you were supposed to be an extra in my short film and said that the gas was too much the night before the shoot?  Well, good news, you can save gas again and go fuck yourself in the process.  Peace, bitch.”  Of course there is a possibility this will never happen, but it does make me smile to think about it.  Another person, after I shot a giagantic hole in they’re first excuse just said “……………….Yeah, I’m not going to make it.”  Wow, they didn’t even hide the fact that they were telling me to go fuck myself.  They may as well have said “Listen man, your piddly shit little short film doesn’t really interest me and in all honesty I just said I would do it, so I wouldn’t have to talk to you anymore over the phone when you asked me a week ago.  The fact that you’re fucked now doesn’t really concern me because I’m lazy and you can choke on a dick.”  I actually probably would have appreciated that more in all honesty.  From now on, when looking for extras I’m going to say this “Listen, if you can’t make it or don’t want to go, let me know, because if you bail out at the last minute, it’s going to fuck me.  It’s cool if you don’t want to go, just let me know, so I can get someone else if you’re not going to go.”  Simple, honest, to the point.  In the end this all worked out.  I’m not sure how.  All I know is, is that I had enough people for both scenes.  Through some act of God, that worked out.  Because I had like 6 people cancel on me. 
5. One of the actresses playing a waitress lost her voice and literally couldn’t talk.  She thought she would be unable to deliver her lines.  Her voice came back and she was able to deliver dialogue, but even when her voice returned she had already committed to not showing up.  I guilted her in to it.  She’s not on my black list.
6. The other actress playing a waitress got stung in the eye by some sort of killer death bug 4 days before the shoot.  Her eye swelled shut.  It was swollen one day prior to the shoot.  She didn’t think she was going to make it.
7. One of my camera men and two of my extras got lost on the way there. 
8. My boom mic operator had to drive somewhere else last minute due to a medical emergency.  So he was late as well.  Luckily, Kenny was able to fill in until he got there.
9. Two of my other extras got there too late to be in the first scene and had to leave too early to be in the second one we shot.  At least they showed up.  I felt really bad, but what are you going to do?
10. Fucking Chris forgot the Clapper.

So, how do I feel now that it’s over?  Like I just gave birth.  I’m so glad it’s done.  I looked at some of the footage yesterday and it came out really nice.  I really am proud of these scenes.  It was a lot of shit to pull together.  I think if we can pull this off, we’re capable of so much more.  It was sort of a benchmark for us.  In fact, I think NGFL will be a benchmark for us.  This thing is no joke.  It’s a 17 page script with a lot going on.  If we stay the same course, we’ll probably end up with the most polished and elaborate short film we’ve ever made.
I’m visiting my Dad all next week, so we all have a big break to let everything settle.  When I get back, we’ll be getting right back to it.  I want to finish up the other scenes ASAP.