John Q. Phats Entertainment

Alright, here’s the deal. I don’t really like writing reviews. But just because I hate the first and second paragraph. The first paragraph is almost always the credits of the film only typed out all fancy like. If you want that shit, go to IMDB. I also don’t like the description of the story. It never does the film justice and frankly, I find it fucking boring to write. If I want to know the story of the movie, I’ll go to see it. So, I’m cutting out all that fluff bullshit and writing a review how I want to.
I would first like to talk about a trailer I saw before the movie started called Let Me In.  This film is a remake of Let the Right One In.  A Swedish film made in 2008. I’m not really sure what to think of this. Let the Right One In is probably one of the best vampire films I’ve ever seen. Part of me wants to yell “what the fuck?!” and another part of me is curious. It could be good….. Right? Just in case it’s bad, I would recommend that you see the original, Let the Right One In, before Let Me In comes out. Hopefully, the new one is just as good as the original. You can rent the original from Blockbuster Online or Netflix. I have to say, the previews look surprisingly similar to the original, which is a good sign.

 
There was another review of a romantic comedy and some other bullshit.  I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention. So, on to Machete.
“I’m willing to bet that at least three limbs get chopped off and probably a head or two.”
-Carl (www.jqpentertainment.com)
Little did I know that this criteria would be fulfilled before the opening credits of the movie. Machete crashes a car into a house, fucks up like 10 people and then proceeds to walk out of the house carrying a naked broad. I’m serious. Apparently something that awesome can exist. Keep in mind that this all happens before the title even comes on screen. Machete, you had me at the first beheading. The movie is filled with good old fashioned, over the top action just like this. People die, things explode, and gun shots leave absurdly large sprays of blood on walls. Like it should be. By the way, I think Machete bangs every hot girl in this movie at some point. Of course, they didn’t show him banging any extras, but come on people, they only have 2 hours. Don’t go into it trying to take it seriously.  This movie is purposely absurd. But, that’s kind of the point. Danny Trejo is the man in this movie. Steven Segal is awesome. This entire movie is awesome. 
In closing, Machete is exactly what it looks like. A homage to the glory days of action flicks and just a blast. 

“They FUCKED with the wrong MEXICAN”
Even the poster rules.
P.S. At the end of the movie there’s a small old time ad talking about two sequels.  Please God, let this be a trilogy.

Machete comes out this weekend. It’s good to see that the Tarantino’s and Rodriguez’s have found a pretty legitimate market for their “over the top” brand of action flicks. Inglorious Bastards was amazing, plain and simple. I was thrilled to see it included in the Academy Awards for a best picture nomination. Even if there were like twenty nominations that year it’s still nice to see that this type of film has a pretty respected place in Hollywood. For those of you that don’t remember, Machete started out as a fake trailer at the beginning of Grindhouse. Watching it, I laughed, but I also leaned over to my friend and said
“That looks like a bad ass movie.”
I’m still kind of shocked that something that borders on ridicules holds its own so well. I along with just about everyone that I know is excited about this movie. You’re not supposed to take it seriously, nobody is. Who could take a man strapping a machine gun to the front of a motorcycle and jumping through the air firing it like a mad man seriously?  But that’s the fun of it. It doesn’t have to be, it just has to be cool. Motorcycles are cool and machine guns are cool. So, you combine the two and get something fucking awesome. To top it off, you arm an absolute bad ass of epic proportions with a billion machetes and set him loose on a bunch of bad guys. I’m willing to bet that at least three limbs get chopped off and probably a head or two.    
Movies like Machete and Grindhouse are a reminder that Red hood has a place in this world.  Red Hood isn’t realistic and at times it’s pretty ridicules.
I probably won’t get much writing done this weekend as I don’t have access to a computer that has Final Draft on it. It will give me a chance to think about what I’m going to write next and a chance to reflect what I’ve written so far.
I’m probably going to check out Machete either tonight or tomorrow.  I’ll let you guys know how it is. My prediction:
“Fucking awesome.”

Last night, I made a very bad decision.  I started to paint my ex room mates room.  As always I started with a coat of primer.  So, I’m going around the room and all of a sudden, I get the brilliant idea to paint the inside of the closet.  About 5 seconds in to this endeavor, I realize that I’ve made a horrible mistake.  Somehow, the builder of the house managed to put more corners in that closet then in the entire house.  I think it took me like 2 hours alone, just to primer the closet.  Stupid closet.  For $550 a month, my next room mate could have probably dealt with an unpainted closet. 
Every time I paint, I can’t help but think of the possibilities of turning a room in my house in to a set.  It would just be way too easy.  I have this space available with walls begging to be painted.  I could paint them any color I want.  With low budget film making, you don’t always have that option.  You usually have to deal with the color the wall already is.  I’ve always wanted to do a very art direction esq short film.  Something where every shot has clashing colors or the entire film has a specific range of color.  I actually didn’t even know that they did this, until I read the Grindhouse book.  Robert Rodriguez was talking about the colors that he chose for Planet Terror.  When I watched Planet Terror again, I started to notice it.  I always thought French cinema had great art direction in them.  Every single French film I’ve seen has been very artistic either in story itself, costume design, or background design.  Of course, you mention French cinema and the first thing that comes to most people’s minds is Amélie.  I like Amélie, it’s a great movie, but there is a lot more to French cinema.  Angel-A or  The Diving Bell and the Butterfly are both awesome films.  Ok, I’m done with my French cinema rant.  As I mentioned yesterday, color correction for Do Nice Guys Finish Last is done.  I was either going to work on the audio for it yesterday or paint that room.  I was really hoping to work on the audio but Gabe was busy that night.  I don’t expect the audio to take me that long.  I’m not really looking to do anything fancy.  I want to keep it sort of rough, to fit in with the amateur documentary feel that we are going for.  Things have been crazy lately, but I really want to get to work on my next project.  For my next project I really want to use a rack focus.  I’ve actually thought up scripts that would require the entire thing to be shot with one shot while we rack focus back and fourth between like 3 characters.  That’s either an awesome idea, or a horrible idea.  I haven’t decided yet.  Either the audience would all go “Woooooow” or it would just give them all a massive headache.

So, apparently I can see in to the future.  In my last post I talked about how great it would be to get in to the SoCal Film Festival.  Later that day, I got an acceptance E-Mail from the SoCal Film Festival.  I have freak luck like that sometimes.  Before shooting Nice Guys Finish Last, I needed a light kit.  The kit I wanted cost about $900.  As sort of a joke to my room mate I said
“I’m going to make $1100 today.”  
before I left the house.  So, I’m walking to the bank.  I decided to walk, for some reason.  I forget why.  I think because parking in my complex sucks and I already had a good spot.  So, I’m going to cross the street and the little blinky guy tells me it’s time to walk.  So I step in to the street and BAM it hits me!  Not an idea of how I’m going to make $1100, but a truck making a right turn.  I wasn’t really hurt, I was just shocked.  I was walking and then all of a sudden I was on the ground.  It sort of knocked me back and I fell back on to the sidewalk.  As I’m getting up, a guy is getting out of the truck with an “O shit” look on his face.  He comes running over to me and says
“O my God!  I’m sorry!  I’m Sorry!  I’m sorry!  Are you ok?!  O fuck!  I didn’t see you!  I’m so sorry!”
The guy was like physically shaking.  So I stand up and I’m a little confused.  I’m thinking to myself “What the hell just happened?  Who the hell is this guy?  What’s going on?” Finally, I put two and two together and realize what happened.  I tell the guy I’m ok and he’s still freaking out.  He looks back at his truck and back at me and says
“I’m so sorry!  You’re not going to call the cops are you?!  I can’t deal with the cops, my license is suspended because of a DUI!  Please don’t call the cops!”
I’m still a bit dazed, so I’m just kind of standing there confused.  Then he says
“Look, I get these settlement checks every month from a job injury I got 3 months ago.  I’ll sign the settlement check and give it to you.  Then we can both just walk away.  OK, sound good?”
Before I could say anything he was handing me the check and shaking my hand.  In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t have taken it if he had let me speak.  I had no injuries, it was a mistake, no big deal.  I checked later and there was literally, not a scratch on me.
I look down at the check as he drives off and it’s for $2253.43.  I figured somehow, the universe conspired to help me, so I donated $1153.43 to my sister for my niece, for a college fund or something. 
Weird, huh?  That’s sort of how I felt about The SoCal Film Festival post yesterday.  Maybe I should try that more often.
Man!  It sure would be great if Kevin Smith, David Fincher, Peter Jackson, Sam Rami, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez,  or Guillermo del Toro E-Mailed me and offered me a sweet ass paid internship!  Or if I got invied to help out on Dexter, my favorite show of all time!  You know what, I would settle for an E-Mail interview with Michael C. Hall or really anyone on that cast.
I think part of my success with film festivals has to do with how easy I make it for them.  First of all Censored is 3:30 seconds long.  I note that on the DVD I send out, along with the title, my name, what region DVD it is, what film festival it’s for, and the tracking number they give me when I pay online.  I also put another sticker on the back of the case with the title, my name, my phone number, and the tracking number again.  And I use very stylish Simpons stamps.  My goal is for them to take one look at the DVD and not have to do anything extra.  I want them to open the envelope, take one look at it, pop it in to the DVD player, and go.  No looking up information and no wondering what the DVD is, who made it, and why they have to watch it.  No extra steps.  Festivals can sometimes get thousands of DVD’s, why would you make it any more difficult for them?  You’re only asking for a rejection letter if you do. 
Wow, I went way off course.  I originally started this post to talk about the SoCal Film Festival.  I just mailed my screener copy to them.  According to my records, the festival takes place from 9/14/2009 – 9/23/2009.  I haven’t gotten the exact schedule or location yet, but I will be sure to let you guys know when I do.  I have a lot of friends in this area who couldn’t make it to the LA shows.  Which is totally understandable.  I’m one of the few insane OCers that thinks that LA “Isn’t that far.”  It will be nice to be so close to a festival for a change.  I’m really looking forward to it.
Here is the link to the festivals website and I hope some of you can make it:
SoCal Film Festival