John Q. Phats Entertainment

So, I’m doing programming for a film festival.  I’ve only watched like 5 films or so and I’m already getting another perspective on this process.  First off, I now completely understand  why every book I read said to make things as simple as possible for the programmers.  You want them to be able to see your tracking number on the DVD.  You want them to be able to put the DVD in a DVD player and boom, the film plays without them having to take any extra action.  They don’t give a crap that you have a fancy DVD menu and they don’t care about the name of your production company.  If they have to take any particular extra effort to see your short film, you’ve already put a bad taste in their mouth about your film and they are more likely to recommend a rejection.  I’ve read all about this, but now it’s even more apparent.  Of course, I’m pretty obsessive, before I sent Censored to any film festivals; I read about 4 books on how to do it. 
Speaking of books, I just finished How Not to Make a Short Film by Robert Marie Munroe.  It’s a very slick and handy little book.  Especially the end which has a pretty extensive list of film maker resources.  Some of her favorites film festivals, production websites, and even a section for film making blogs.  It pretty much has it all covered.  It was a good read.  I’m kind of wondering what I should read next.  Probably a book about either sound design or cinematography.  I’ve read a couple books on cinematography, but it’s an interesting topic.  I really should probably tinker with my camera more.  Just to see what kind of interesting shots I can get. 
So, I have a new goal.  I want to enter Do Nice Guys Finish Last in Sundance.  Will it get in?  Probably not, but who knows, I could get lucky.  Worse thing they can do is send me a rejection letter.  Most rejection letters are pretty soft.  Like:
“We regret to inform you that your film was not selected for our festival.  But we encourage you to enter it in other festivals and keep making films because everything is relative and blah blah blah.”
It’s actually kind of nice.  What if you got one that was really harsh one day?  Like:
“I could sit here and drone on about how you should enter this in to other film festivals, but I won’t.  I’m actually the programmer and I’m writing you this specially to tell you to please not make any more short films.  This was so bad, I seriously considered shooting myself 2 minutes in, so I wouldn’t have to live through another waking moment of this boring and horrible excuse for a short film.  I’m serious, I loaded the gun.  If I pounded on a keyboard with my forehead for 20 minutes straight, the jargon that followed probably would have produced a better script then this bile.  What I have just watched was by far the stupidest thing I have ever seen.  I am now dumber after watching your short film.  If this world were just, you would be killed in some sort of horrific camera accident.  I used to like film, I really did, but your film was so bad, I’m afraid I’ll have flash backs and tremors if I ever watch another film again.  Like shell shock from soldiers coming back from Vietnam.  I hate you.  Please kill yourself.”
That would probably never happen.  If it did, I might cry.  That makes me really glad that they do the things the way that they do. 
Tonight, I’ll be down near the Huntington Beach Pier for the SoCal Film Festival Movies by the Pier event.  If you’re in the area, stop by and say hello.

So, we have a first cut on Nice Guys Finish Last.  It came out pretty good.  It’s 18 minutes long.  Right off the bat, I see a couple things that would shave off like a minute or two.  Either way, I don’t think the festival version will be having any credits in it.  Gabe did a pretty good job on the first cut.  I think there are some other takes that I would like to experiment with.  Apparently Gabe had a tough critic in the room while he was editing last night.  Someone he doesn’t know was saying stuff like “What is this?  Are you guys in high school or something?”  I kind of wish I was there for that.  I say, tear it to shreds, I want to know the people that hate it and why they hate it.  If she could give me 20 specific, valid reasons why it was bad, I would want to hear all of them.  Only way you’re going to get better is if people tell you what you did wrong.  On the plus side, she did say that some stuff was funny.  Gabe said there were scenes where she actually said “OK, that’s funny.”  Anyway, the first cut is a good start.  Apparently I forgot that one of the cameras had a polarizing lense on the front of it.  Some of our outdoor scenes look a little off but that’s ok, we can fix that with some color correction.  I was actually surprised, but Gabe usually stuck with one shot for an entire scene, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal.  It shouldn’t take us too long to correct it.  The colors are fine in doors, it’s just a couple of the outdoor scenes that look a little off.
I wrote a blog yesterday about the book I’m reading, How Not to Make a Short Film.  The author of the book (Roberta Munroe) responded to my blog in a comment.  The Internet, let me tell you.  That’s the second author I’ve had communication with this month.  Sometimes I forget that the little name on the bottom of the book is actually a person. You can check out the comment in my last blog, she had some words of wisdom for aspiring film makers.  It was all good stuff.  I wonder if Kevin Bacon will ever respond to my Bacon Dick blog.  Probably not.  I wonder if he would be pissed?  If I were a celebrity, I would take the Bill Murray approach.  Apparently if someone recognizes him, he does some sort of weird dance followed by a bunch of random acts then says “Nobody will believe you” and then runs off.  I’m sorry, but that is genius.  I want him to adopt me.  I’m 27, but still.
Yesterday, I found an awesome site for royalty free music.  Check it out:
 Inomptech Royalty Free Music
The search feature is great. You can search by musical genre or the mood of the music that you’re looking for.  I was extremely surprised by the amount of quality music that’s on there.

I need money to make my new short film.  Plain and simple.  In the past I’ve resorted to selling my personal belongings.  I sold a couple old cameras, video games, furniture, computers, really whatever I could get my hands on.  I think I can make my new project for roughly $2000.  Things I haven’t tried yet are selling sperm and blood.  I should try to sell some blood, I have O-, which everyone can take.  Obviously, God wanted me to sell blood, so I can make this short film.  I’ll have to look in to that.  I’m not sure how I feel about donating sperm.  I would feel really sorry for the woman who gets that sperm.  It would almost be like playing a really cruel joke on someone.  I think one of me is enough.
I’ve been reading this new book called How Not to Make a Short Film by Roberta Marie Munroe.  She’s done just about everything on a short film and used to be a programmer for Sundance.  Needless to say, her advice is valuable.  She’s already listed a couple things that I’m guilty of.  For one, when submitting your short film to festivals, don’t put your companies logo in the front of it.  Nobody has heard of your company and furthermore, nobody cares what the name of it is.  I’m totally guilty of this.  There are a couple things in the book that I don’t agree with though.  In one section there are different budget brackets.  The first bracket is $11,000.  That’s the first bracket.  They slowly ascend to $75,000.  Basically what that tells me is that according to this book, you can’t make a decent short film for under $11,000.  It lists all of the equipment and crew you need.  I totally and completely disagree with that.  $11,000 for a short film is bloated to me to say the least.  Robert Rodriguez shot El Mariachi for $7000 and most of that budget was spent on the camera.  And that was an 80+ minute long movie.  The example the book uses is a 15 page short film.  And it’s using the time frame of a 2 day weekend shoot.  Maybe I missed something in the interpretation, but that’s what I’m getting out of it.  Later on in the chapter there is an interview with a film maker who made a successfull short film for roughly $4500.  One of the things listed in the $11,000 budget is a continental breakfast for a 35 person crew.  Go to the supermarket, buy some fruit, get some yogurt, granola,  some bread to toast, little orange juice, some bagels, put someone who will work for free on food prep duty, and there’s your continental breakfast.  Better yet, go to Togo’s and order a sand which platter, they’re like $40, I do it all the time.  Also, 35 person crew?!  Are you serious?  That seems bloated to say the least.  I shot Censored with an 8 person crew and I had no clue what I was doing and that seemed bloated and that’s been accepted to festivals.  I shot Nice Guys Finish Last most of the time with a 4 person crew.  I shot Say Something with a 5 person crew and it cost me like $100, if even that.  That was an 8 minute long short film that all of my teachers(who were industry professionals) thought was great.  Maybe I’m just not at the level she’s at yet, but Jesus Christ.  If Robert Rodriguez can make a good movie for $7000, I can make a 15 minute short film for way under $11,000.  I think, anyone can shoot anything they want for free, they just have to know the right people and make the right moves.  Don’t get me wrong, Roberta Marie Munroe is a smart lady and she wrote a great book.  I would recommend How Not To Make a Short Film to anyone.  It’s got some good stuff in it, I just can’t agree with that one point.
On to my next order of business.  Is anyone in the market for blood and/or sperm?  I’m selling.